One stitch at a time

Wednesday 25 January

2012-01-25T14:35:00.000Z

The two cloths from my monthly dishcloth swap. This month I was paired with Kellie, who I've swapped with before. The green cloth is what I sent to her - I found the pattern in her list of favourite patterns and as it was named Windmill, I thought it'd be appropriate to knit for her! The bottom one is what she sent me, because they had snow in Alaska. Nine-year-old asked if we could please not use this one, as it was too nice! If you're reading this Kellie: thank you very much!

Saturday 21 January

2012-01-21T23:04:00.001Z

And here they are, in all their glory. One of my most favourite knitting projects.

It seems that since I changed my settings, not everybody is able to post comments (and here I was, thinking you were all ignoring me and I'd turned billy-no-mates). If it doesn't sort itself out within a few days, I'm going to badger Blogger - after all, we all like getting comments don't we. And I was looking forward to being able to respond to them too.

Friday 20 January

2012-01-20T21:01:00.000Z

My somethings that made me happy today have not really been photo-worthy this week. Yes, I have written a something that made me happy today every day, but they've not been things that I could take a photo of. And no, I'm not posting photos of me in my flannel pyjamas and socks and hot water bottle crawling under three thick layers of bedding (it's been cold here in the UK. And in my 131 year old cottage it's usually colder than it is outside).

I have only taken a few photos this week and I can only post this one. But, it is of something that made me really excited this week - so excited in fact that I finished off the second one tonight, even though they were supposed to be part of a knit-along where we were all supposed to knit at the same speed.
And would you believe that I took this photo while holding my camera with my left hand and pressing the shutter button with that same hand? Blur all in the right places...
Pattern is Cafe Au Lait Mitts (Ravelry link) - I am looking forward to drinking lots of lattes in Lyme Regis with these next month.

Monday 16 January

2012-01-16T22:02:00.002Z

I made sourdough bread this weekend. I'd enjoyed reading about sourdough on Twitter so I thought I'd give it a go too. I followed the recipe on the River Cottage website and started my starter on Sunday night in the hope of having a bread by the following Saturday evening. I'd read a few reviews of people having varying degrees of success so I wasn't sure at all if it would work. After 36 hours the first bubbles appeared, I then dutifully fed it every 24 hours and to start off with it was lovely and bubbly. Then all of a sudden it began to look more like pancake batter that has been sitting around for a while, with a layer of clear liquid at the top. The website said by the end it should start to smell fruity and yeasty, not harsh or acrid. Mine didn't smell fruity or harsh... a bit yoghurty, if anything. (In fact, 12yo said it smelt like her plaster cast when she'd broken her arm last year. I decided to pretend I hadn't heard that).
On Friday night I made the sponge which uses only 100ml of the starter. I was so convinced it wasn't going to work that I threw the rest of the starter away. (I also threw away the washing-up brush that I used to clean the bowl. Boy is that starter sticky! I'm sure you could have built a retaining garden wall with it.) You had to leave the 'sponge' as it's called, overnight in a cool place, covered with clingfilm. Imagine my surprise when I came downstairs to a bowl full of what was almost frothy batter! I still wasn't sure about the smell - it wasn't nasty, but definitely not yeasty either. I made up the dough, kneaded till my arms ached and I'd worked up a sweat, then left it in a bowl next to the Aga for the day. I think it was probably a good thing we were out all day, or I'd have been checking up on it anxiously every hour! When we came back early in the evening the dough had doubled in size - just as the recipe had stated. So I knocked it back and put it on a baking tray to rise for a second time. That was where I went wrong though - I left it on the warming plate of the Aga and that was really a bit too warm, it started cooking rather than rising. So I gave up on that one and chucked it in the oven. Forty-five minutes later and out came a bread that smelled good and looked like a crab shell (it did look very odd...). We'd just had a substantial evening meal so left the bread for breakfast, but was it worth the wait! The crust was a bit hard but the flavour... just perfect! It was lovely with a thin layer of butter (o alright, I may have had a slice with a thick layer of butter too. Yes this was where my WeightWatchers resolve weakened ever so slightly), but it was even nice just as it was. By the end of Sunday it had disappeared, even the kids liked it. And they're not always easy-to-please customers.
It goes without saying I'm cursing myself now for throwing away the rest of that starter...

Sunday 15 January

2012-01-15T22:19:00.001Z

Three pictures of what made me happy this week: both I. and N. received a little award for their hard work. And although my main concern is that they are happy at school as my time at secondary school was definitely not the happiest time of my life, every parent is happy to hear that their child is doing well and enjoying themselves.

On a totally different note: Blogger has added the functionality of being able to reply directly to comments. Which I think is GREAT. The nice thing about keeping a blog is getting to know other people, but I have not always been able to find an email address to reply to. No longer though!
With it goes a new interface for composing posts and that is taking a bit of getting used to...

Monday 9 January

2012-01-09T21:27:00.004Z

It seems there is no end to this New Year's resolutions lark. Here we are, almost halfway through January already, and I've come up with another one. I was half expecting this one though and didn't mention it in my 1 January post as it is just a bit.... boring.

Almost 8 years ago, over a year after 9yo was born weighing a hefty 11 lbs, I was still carrying around excess babyweight. Looking back at it, I'm certain me eating rather too much during my pregnancy had something to do with him being the weight he was. I'd lost all my baby weight from my pregnancy with 12yo within a couple of months and figured that I'd lose it all again quite easily through breastfeeding. But 9yo weaned himself when he was 9 or 10 months old and I still had rather a few pounds to shed. I felt quite unhappy about myself but didn't have the discipline to lose it. One day, a neighbour mentioned WeightWatchers to me and I grabbed the chance and asked if we could go together. That was in August, and by November I'd lost 2.5 stone and reached goal weight. The first week I was starving, but I lost 5 or 6 lbs and there was no looking back after that. And since then, WeightWatchers has been an important part of my life. Sometimes I fall off the wagon for a bit, or I don't enjoy the meeting as much, and those are always the times when I start to struggle. I know now that if I go for a weigh-in every week and stay to the meeting, I managed to maintain my weight pretty much. It sounds melodramatic, but it has changed my life - mostly the knowledge I now have of portion control, healthy choices and exercise.

Christmas is always a hard time. I know at some point I give up trying to track and throw caution to the wind. I knew this time that I'd put some weight on - I usually do over Christmas, and I'm certainly not alone. I was already a little over goal by the last meeting of the year, and I'd managed to put 5.5lbs on over the last 3 weeks. What was worse though, was that I'm now a stone over where I should be. And that was enough of a kick up the backside to get back on track again. Yes, most things still fit, yes I'm tall so it doesn't show much, but I don't feel happy at this weight and I want it back off again. I know too that it will come back off without much extra help, but I also have a soft spot for pretty notebooks so when I spotted this at the shop this morning, it just had to come home with me.

I think WeightWatchers know that many women have a soft spot for pretty notebooks, because an awful lot of them were being sold this morning. And with that, I'm off to fill mine in. With that fountain pen. The journal covers 12 weeks. I hope by the time I've finished with it, I'll have lost that stone.

Friday 6 January

2012-01-06T20:44:00.003Z

Remember how earlier this week I wrote about New Year's resolutions? I have started to jot down one line about my day in my diary and I wanted to do something similar on this blog so it becomes more of a place with memories. And I think I've come up with something: I'm going to try and post a photo every Friday of something that has made me happy that week. I have failed miserably at making up a snappy title, so the date will just have to do!

This picture made me smile on Monday: 9yo taking a picture of me taking a picture of him. When we were in Holland in November, I managed to mislay his camera, and he loves taking photos. He was quite upset when at first we thought we'd actually lost the camera, but fortunately it was found again and dad picked it up the day after. 9yo had to wait until we went over this time before he got it back though, and he made up for lost time by taking over 100 photos in 2 or 3 days. The nice thing about him enjoying taking photos is that my dad enjoys it, I enjoy it and now 9yo does too. Three generations with the same interest - I think it's lovely.

Wednesday 4 January

2012-01-04T11:32:00.003Z

After a brief but enjoyable few days in Holland we are now back and settled into our daily routine again. Kids went back to school this morning and it is very quiet here. I'm looking forward to 4pm already.

For my birthday a few weeks ago, B. bought me a DSLR. I like taking pictures but haven't ventured much further than just using my little compact digital camera. It was getting on a bit though, the zoom didn't work so well anymore and B. kept saying 'I ought to buy you a new camera'. And then he turned up with a DSLR. I'm really pleased with it, but I'm also very daunted by it. It has so many options, functions, buttons, slides - and as I'm not very technical, I don't really understand what they're all for. I'm happily experimenting, but forget what settings I've used or end up with photos which are nice and I don't know why, or rubbish and I don't know why either! It's frustrating - I want to use the camera to its full potential, but deep down I'm slightly worried that it's a bit too complicated for me and that I'd have been better off with a simple point-and-shoot. I can't seem to find a book that caters exactly for what I want: changing one setting at a time and telling you what to do. I've never been good at jumping in at the deep end, I'd rather paddle cautiously in the shallow bit to gain some confidence.
I'm not giving up though, frustrated though I may be, and it'll be interesting to see if my images have improved by this time next year. So maybe another New Year's resolution: improve my photography skills?

Stairwell in University Museum in Utrecht

1 January 2012

2012-01-01T20:44:00.003Z

I'm not normally one for making New Year's resolutions, and if I do, I certainly don't make them public as they're not very interesting. The last few years I've only made one and that was very mundane: to stop running up library fees... such a waste of money and entirely unnecessary! Have definitely done better this year, although not perfect by any means.

I'm not sure why, but this year I thought of a few different things. Maybe something to do with getting older and the passage of time...? I don't know...

One is posting here a bit more often. I often feel that I have to write a deep and meaningful post or not bother at all. But I often wish this blog was more of a diary, and for that you need to post a bit more often than once a month as I have done lately. So there we go, resolution number one, make this blog a bit more active.
The second resolution is something I read somewhere, I can't remember where. It was a diary where you wrote one line about that particular day, every day. And then when the year was over, you'd write another line about a particular day but in the same diary, so after a few years you could see what you'd done on a particular day three or four years in a row (does that make sense?!). I like the idea of writing one line a day. I'm toying with the idea of doing it here but not sure that is really feasible, although it would be nice with a photo to go with it perhaps - but hang on, that makes it a bigger task again and what I liked about it, was that one line was so manageable. Will have to mull that one over for a bit.

This is the monkey I knitted for 9yo for Christmas. I managed to cut a hole in his original white sweater when I sewed in/snipped off the ends which was unravelling rapidly, so on the ferry I knitted him a new sweater. And here he is showing off his sea legs. 9yo still loves him to bits. I love how he loves him.

And this is 9yo learning to play 'sjoelebakken', a traditional Dutch game. While I spent the afternoon with mum showing her how to use her new laptop, dad looked after 9yo and they mostly played games together. I think sjoelebakken was a big hit!

And my sentence for today is that we celebrated mum's 68th birthday with a walk in the woods, an afternoon teaching her about her new laptop and a meal at a local pancake restaurant. It's been a nice day.

Monday 26 December

2011-12-26T18:44:00.012Z

December has flown by in a blurry flurry of activities and it's hard to believe we're almost at the end of the month and the end of another year. This year I've very much enjoyed December, it is one long series of festivities: Sinterklaas with the kids and my team from work, then my birthday, Christmas and New Year. It seems that most people this year had the idea to give me something craft related which I really enjoyed - for Sinterklaas I got given a book with 150 motifs to knit and crochet, and I've already made these three from it:

I'm now working on a series of the little snowflakes in cream and light blue, to make into a garland or hang in a row in front of the window.
For my birthday I received two hanks of beautiful wool from work and a poster saying Keep Calm and Carry Yarn from the kids. It's easy to buy for someone who loves knitting!

One of the things I made for my Sinterklaas 'partner' was this mug cosy:

They were so simple I ended up making three as gifts for several people. The idea came from Mollie Makes, a relatively new crafting magazine that I'm subscribed to.

Nine-year-old took part in a Secret Santa at school and had to buy something for his tutor. He came home and said 'mamma I thought you could knit her something'. Right, I haven't got enough to knit yet? I can't help but feel flattered when people ask me to knit something for them though, so off we went to Ravelry to look up Christmassy dishcloths and we found this one:

Unfortunately the Christmas tree soaps I'd ordered off eBay arrived a few days too late to give along with the cloth, but according to 9yo's report she liked this and the accompanying hand cream very much.

I also sent a small box of little goodies to Anna who I've known for a long time but never met!
A cover for a mini hot water bottle (although in the photos you can't really see how small it was - they were sold as child's hot water bottles but are bigger than the hand warmers you can get these days)

And a trim for a tealight holder:

I found the pattern on Attic 24 and although her choice of colours wasn't my taste, I think it ended up looking quite cosy in plain white.
I was on a roll and made one up myself as a gift for a neighbour, but I think I prefer the first one:

And then it was Christmas. I finished knitting a monkey for 9yo on Christmas Eve, which he loved. It was the last present out of his stocking and he hugged it so tight when he took the wrapping off. He told me twice that it was his best present, and best (and sweetest) of all, he thought at first that Father Christmas had knitted it... I told him I'd knitted it and given it to Father Christmas and he'd given it to him! (and he believed it too...) No photo yet, the children are with J. for a few days now, hope to get a photo later this week.
Christmas was full of unexpected presents - those are the ones I love the best!

Mug from the children - I love anything with blue and I love mugs and I love Whittards (I probably like everything in Whittards - I try and avoid going there as it's so hard not to buy something).
Contents of Secret Santa swap I took part in. I love the fingerless gloves (well, they're blue aren't they!), they're just the right length for wearing while I'm working as I can still type with them on. The chocolates are divine - I gave B. one but am trying to hide the rest of them as they're so nice that I don't really want to share them... Mean aren't I ;-)

Beach hut from S. and G. who are J's aunt and uncle. I have a feeling I commented on one of their photos on Flickr where their daughter in law was looking at beach huts. They know I have a thing for beach huts as my favourite dishcloth is one with beach huts in it. I love this one - not sure where it's going yet but will find a lovely spot for it.

This one was a real surprise, they're knitted by the owner of 'our' parttime dog. I knew she was a knitter as I've seen her wear things she's knitted herself and we've often talked about knitting. I suspected she'd made us something as the three parcels for us were all soft and squishy, and these were mine. I wore them today on a long bike ride and they were so snugly. Really pleased with them - not least for all the effort she must have put in.

These were the ones she made for 9yo.

One 12yo getting very grown up...

And last but not least, our Christmas pud! Not a real Christmas pudding but a sort of combination of summer pudding/chocolate bombe. Recipe courtesy of Jamie Oliver, whose book Jamie's Great Britain I got for my birthday from work. Leftovers still in freezer - yum!

We're now having a quiet few days pottering about, the kids alternating between me and J., before we set off to celebrate New Year's Eve and mum's birthday in Holland. I haven't been to Holland for New Year's for several years and I'm looking forward to it. Especially as B. gave me a DSLR for my birthday and I'm having way too much fun playing with it!

Season's Greetings

2011-12-23T13:46:00.002Z

Whatever you are celebrating this time of year, we hope that you have a very happy holiday and wish you lots of happiness for 2012 xxx

Tuesday 22 November

2011-11-22T09:49:00.002Z

It has been almost a month since my last post and I didn't mean to be gone so long - life just sort of got in the way, as it has a habit of doing. And somehow blog writing always gets pushed to the bottom of the to-do list.

We spent a few days in Holland a couple of weeks ago. It was lovely to be back 'home' for a couple of days, but we were all slightly under the weather when we left and as I tend to squeeze in everything I want to do in a very short time, we all got quite tired and came back ill. I spent three days on the sofa with a tummy bug and feeling very sorry for myself.

All back to normal now though, and despite not firing on 4 cylinders, we still had a good time. 9yo is now a firm believer in Sinterklaas again, despite having some serious doubts before we went, which is very sweet but makes me wonder if he will still want to go and see Sinterklaas when he's 15...! We did lots of retail therapy, visited a new-to-us town and fed our cultural side too.

The next few weeks are set to be quite busy, with lots of social events. I'm also squeezing in lots of crafting, all small things to be given away, some of them secret, some of them less so. It means I have lots of project bags all over the house with a project for every occasion and causing me to wonder if I'll ever finish everything on time and remembering that every year I tell myself 'never again'!

Scarf for dad - I love the way the stripes work up

Several cloths for my monthly swap

It's well and truly late Autumn here now. When we went to Holland, we still had lots of leaves on the trees but Holland seemed to be a week or so ahead and we had lots of mist and even some ground frost. Coming back to the UK it seems we're slowly catching up and in the last week or so most of the leaves have gone and we've had the mists as well, making for some mysterious landscapes...

It makes me want to cook winter food even more so than normal, and this was Jamie Oliver's Wedding Pie for Kate and Wills. The pastry was a dream to work with and even better to eat. It's a recipe from his latest series on Channel 4, and when he showed us this dish, he told us that if you make this for someone, you can expect a proposal. I'm afraid he let me down there a bit... !

But as the pie was so incredibly good, I think I'll let him off (both B. and Jamie Oliver...;-)

Monday 31 October

2011-10-31T08:23:00.003Z

Today 12yo and 9yo are back at school after their week at home. We had such a lovely and relaxing time, just being together and enjoying each other's company. We didn't even do anything extra-ordinary, lots of dog walks, a visit to the rollerskating rink, the library, some shopping and a morning on the beach, but it was just nice not to have to worry about lunchboxes, bedtimes and school bags for a week. It's now very very quiet at home and I know I'm going to miss them. At least we have a few days in Holland at the end of next week to look forward to!

A very windy day at Felixstowe beach

A worn out dog at the beach!

Supper on Saturday night - stewed brisket and mash - very good it was too.

Monday 24 October

2011-10-24T20:56:00.007+01:00

This week is half-term for the kids. I can't believe how fast the first 6 weeks of the school term have flown by. Nine-year-old has been very tired the last couple of weeks and missed the last day before the holidays with a headache and temperature - probably just over-tiredness. The week's break will do him good. I met with his tutor last week and it was nice to hear how well he has settled in and seems to be enjoying life at his new school.
Last week was also the week of visiting Upper Schools for 12yo. She's not due to start there until September next year but the application has to be in by the end of this month. She has changed so much from when she first started at Middle School as a quiet, rather shy 9yo three years ago. Now I see her turning into a teenager day by day, albeit without the teenage stroppiness I hasten to add! I'm having a little trouble keeping up with her at the moment - she takes big steps, I'm running behind her to try and keep up.

We think we've come to a decision regarding the Upper School and I hope it is the right one - she'll be taking GCSE's here and hopefully her A levels too.

Last Saturday was 9yo's day for just with me. I wasn't quite sure what to go and do with him that was a bit out of the ordinary but not too far away or too costly. In the end we visited the Owl Sanctuary in Stonham Aspall which turned out to be a bit of a hidden gem. We were the first (and only) ones there, it wasn't huge but the animals were obviously well cared for and it was all very unspoilt and pleasantly uncommercial. Next door was a mini-golf course so we played 2 rounds of that, and then went back to Bury St. Edmunds for lunch in town. Back home we baked a chocolate cake together and then it was time for me to drop him back off with J. We had a lovely day though, it was so nice to give him all my attention and in a way, get to know him a bit better again.

Last week I finished knitting a silvery-grey scarf for a friend who's going through a tough time right now. The pattern is the Ripple Scarf from Anniken Allis and though the stitch pattern is extremely simple, I've really enjoyed knitting it. A few years ago I remember reading a blog where knitting was described as rhythmic and soothing. This pattern was just that. I may well make another one.

And with that, I'm off to bed with a hot water bottle and the last few chapters of Mary Barton by Elizabeth Gaskell. I'll leave you with a picture of the pear cake that was our dessert this weekend - before it got devoured!

Monday 3 October

2011-10-03T21:23:00.007+01:00

The camera and I have been reunited. Amazing how much I missed having it to hand. BadPenny suggested I should have two of everything. Unfortunately, you end up with two items in one house and none in the other - ask me how I know...!
I hadn't downloaded photos off the camera for a couple of weeks and found 73 photos this morning which I hadn't seen yet. A quick catch-up:

The weekend before last I had a day with 12yo on my own. We sometimes do a swap where one child gets to have one parent for the day. It was lovely to have a bit of one-to-one time with her, without having to split myself between two children and their varying interests.
The day began with a riding lesson, which she has started a few weeks ago.

So far she's been riding the stubborn horses - perfect for a beginner but she hasn't quite learnt yet that she needs to be quite authoritative with them!

Afterwards, we did a charity shop crawl - there are eleven of them in Bury St. Edmunds and we had a great time exploring them all. I came home with a new skirt, a cardigan and another bowl, and 12yo bought a lovely evening dress for a disco she's been invited to next week. Of course, all that shopping makes thirsty and hungry...

And no, she's not drinking coffee yet - it's tea in a cafetiere - very posh!

Autumn more than any other season makes me want to cook. Almost like an instinct to preserve things for winter time!
We are trying our hand at making sloe gin

This is just after we shook the right-hand bottle, I'm hoping when it is ready to drink, it'll be that colour as it's gorgeous.
I have also made apple and plum jelly which was much easier than jam and turned out another beautiful colour

and thanks to a prolific apple crop I am constantly making apple cake in various forms - unfortunately, I hardly get the chance to take a photo before it's all gone as I have several grateful recipients!

I'm still trying to get a decent bike ride in every weekend. The days are now too short to go in the evenings during the week, I'm thinking about going swimming again a couple of times a week now that I don't run anymore either. Biking is still the best though - I love exploring the countryside and stumbling upon little villages with sometimes well hidden churches. This week I noticed this gravestone

Very sad - she'd been through so much heartache.

And although we're going through a heatwave in the UK at the moment, you can tell it is Autumn by the trees - some of them are looking decidedly bare

I love poplars, they're my favourite trees. They're tall and majestic, they make beautiful lines against the landscape, they smell lovely in Springtime and they rustle like no other tree.

Last but not least, 9yo and parttime dog pretending to be Indians and wolves....

Not sure what it is with that dog but he loves posing for the camera!

Hope to have some knitting pictures next time. Night for now!

Saturday 1 October

2011-10-01T17:09:00.003+01:00

O the nightmare of two 'homes'. Both the kids and I regularly find that things that we need, are not in the right house. School shoes. Books. That particular pair of trousers. PE kits. House keys (yes, have done that on more than one occasion!)
In this case it was my camera. I left it at B's house on Sunday afternoon and have not been back since, and I've really missed it. Yes, I've missed B too! but I may have missed the camera possibly just a tiny bit more ;-)

Wednesday 21 September

2011-09-21T11:40:00.004+01:00

I love Autumn. There is something to like about all seasons, but Autumn has something special. It starts off with the heavier dew in the mornings, which can start as early as August. Really, once harvest is out of the way, Autumn is sneaking its feet under the table. A tree will have some turning leaves. The days become shorter, the shadows longer. And then it's back to school and signs of Autumn become unmistakeable. The hedges are full of berries and their colour complements the gold and brown of the leaves so beautifully. There are apples in abundance. The light and even the smells change. And I love it. I want to cook hearty meals in the slow cooker. Draw the curtains and light the candles. Listen to the wind howling outside and kick the leaves on the ground. Pick apples and sloes and blackberries and pears and not let anything go to waste. And more than at any other time of the year I want to knit - snuggle up on the sofa, the radio or television on, and knit endlessly. Such simple pleasures - but what could be better?

Tuesday 20 September

2011-09-20T11:17:00.003+01:00

We are slowly beginning to find our feet in the new routine of a new school year, but a certain little boy found it all quite tiring to start off with...

Wednesday 14 September

2011-09-14T09:38:00.002+01:00

An essential aspect of creativity is not being afraid to fail.

- Edwin Land

Read this on another blog and it struck a chord. I spend my life being apprehensive about trying new things, thinking I'll fail. Where knitting, crochet, cooking is concerned though, I don't think that at all. It doesn't matter if I fail, I just rip out and try again. It doesn't feel like failure, just a learning process.

Shame I can't see more things in my life that way!

Wednesday 7 September

2011-09-07T08:33:00.004+01:00

ETA: I thought I had posted this earlier this week - only to find it still in my Blogger edit box!

7 September. The start of a new school year. The date has been imprinted on my mind for the last 6 weeks.
This year was the first year I carried on working through the summer holidays. I am very lucky in that I have a certain flexibility in my work hours - as long as I end up doing my hours, it doesn't matter too much when they get done (within reason of course). In previous years I reduced my hours during the holidays, but with I. and N. getting older and needing less input from me, and having worked through half terms, I thought this year I'd give it a try.
As expected, it's been hard work. Very hard work. I have been tired beyond belief. I have wanted to hit the alarm-clock in the mornings and roll over and go back to sleep. I have dragged myself kicking and screaming to the computer after the kids had gone to bed. At times, it seemed all I did was run after myself trying to keep up.
But, we had a good time too. We didn't have time for long outings but we managed the odd coffee here, a visit to an antiques place there. We walked miles with the part-time dog. The kids learnt that if you want something, sometimes you have to work for it, and sometimes you need to help out at home just because you all live in the same house and everybody has to pull their weight. They read a lot, they baked a lot, they made me coffee a lot and towards the end of the break they started to argue a lot. 9yo especially was very ready to see some other people than just his parents and his sister, to be a bit more challenged again. Shoes, ties, shirts, trousers were bought and tried on. Stricter bedtimes were reinforced again (under much protest).
And then suddenly it was the last day of the holidays. It was wet, wild and windy. We stayed in our pjs all day and slowly it began to dawn on me that despite looking forward to having a routine and some time to myself again, it was going to be very quiet and empty around here too.
This morning we stood at the bus stop at 7.30 am and I was struck not by how big 9yo looked in his new shirt and tie, ready to start his new school, but more by how much 12yo has grown up in the three years she has attended the same school. And I realised once again that as they get older, they become better company all the time, and how much I'll miss having my little people around.

Wednesday 24 August

2011-08-24T15:18:00.010+01:00

We had a lovely week in Holland last week. Crammed full of activities and in some ways very tiring, but as they say, a change is as good as a rest!
We managed a long bike ride (almost 30 miles!) with lots of sight-seeing along the way

Entrance to castle Doorwerth

Watching barges in the many sluices you find along the Rijn (spot the cat!)

The other side of the sluice gates

A little church - often not as richly decorated as in Britain

And funny little ferries to cross the river

Including a seagull hitching a lift!

This one only took bikes and pedestrians

We went for a long walk, with much protesting until we found this

where some paddling needed to be done of course

Lots of good food

Poffertjes!

The best cheese sandwich

Patat (chips) at the station

With the best mayonaise in the world, according to 12yo

Some retail therapy

And a very unusual activity

A few weeks before we went to Holland, mum discovered a 'pick your own bunch of flowers' garden. I didn't expect too much but it was actually a lovely place, all set out in semi-circular borders, with a pond in the middle, plus lots of seating areas. You get given a basket and a pair of scissors, pick what you like and then pay for your bunch of flowers. It had only been open a few weeks and they hope to offer tea and coffee next year - but as it was, it was a great place with lots of beautiful flowers.

And we did lots of tourist walks in the town where I grew up

Square with town hall and second tallest church spire in Holland

Before we knew it, it was time to go home again, and none of us really wanted to! Still, it was lovely spending time with mum (who had her last radiotherapy treatment while we were there, so we celebrated with coffee and cake), dad and seeing some friends too. Already counting the days till November!

Sunday 14 August

2011-08-14T17:27:00.002+01:00

Having a well earned week off work with a few days in Holland with some of my favourite people.

Tuesday 2 August

2011-08-02T14:57:00.003+01:00

It's been a little quiet around here. Not quiet as in nothing to do, but quiet as in silent. Last week on Saturday night I dropped 12yo and 9yo off with J. and the following Monday they set out to France to see their paternal grandmother, who recently moved there. They are travelling back again today and tomorrow morning I pick them up again.
As there was a computer available at work (I normally share a desk with a colleague who works part-time), I grabbed the chance of going to work all last week. I only work from home for the kids' sake and if they're not here, I'd rather be among people. It was great fun, I worked with someone who I hadn't worked with for months, I got to know several new faces, we ate far too much cake, we all worked hard, we went out for a celebratory milkshake and by Friday I was well and truly ready for the weekend.
The weekend was the usual flurry of doing chores (cleaning the car - yuck!) and things you've been looking forward to all week. It was no time at all before it was Monday and I was back home and back to working from home. And suddenly, out of nowhere, I really began to miss the kids. As in properly miss them, want them back NOW miss them. It's terribly quiet here, just Radio 4 and the two goldfish for company, the only mess around the house is the mess I make myself, nobody is arguing with each other, nobody is asking what we are going to do today. By this time tomorrow, I'll have them back with me and we will have been to the library and had a coffee in town. I am very proud that I haven't been bored a single second while they've been away, but now I'm ready to take up mothering duties again. 18 hours and counting.

Progress on the barn renovation. The grey you can see, is insulation. Windows are all in, so is the front door. Back doors are awaiting special hinges.

Yes that's me in my very unelegant cycling outfit cleaning windows in preparation of painting them.

Leaving presents for 9yo's teachers (washcloths with handcream). I now no longer have any children at primary school, which is a very odd feeling!

A beautiful stone porch to one of the many churches I discover during my weekend bike rides.

And this blur is B. going down the dry ski slope in Norwich. My camera doesn't cope well with lack of light which adds nicely to the impression of speed. He definitely was the fastest one there on Sunday night!

Monday 18 July

2011-07-18T09:46:00.003+01:00

Who's a happy girl then?
Early birthday/Christmas present from B. I keep venturing further and further afield on the bike, but sometimes you have to go quite a long way to get to the starting point of a bike route. B. had offered to drive me there, but it'd mean cleaning out his van, driving me there, picking me up again. This is much easier, and has room for 4 bikes. Very user-friendly and put to use for the first time yesterday.
I do have a feeling he may just regret buying this - I disappear at 10 in the morning and come back just before I have to leave and pick up the kids - he's not going to see much of me at this rate ;-)

Wednesday 13 July

2011-07-13T21:22:00.003+01:00

Having a terrible fit of the giggles...

Tuesday 12 July

2011-07-09T08:25:00.011+01:00

Hellooooo! I know it's been a long time. Getting the blog up-to-date has been on my to-do list for weeks now, but it seems that the longer you leave it, the more you have to tell, the harder it seems to get back into it. I compose umpteen blog posts in my head, I take photos all the time, and none of them make it to the screen, let alone get published.

First of all, all's reasonably well with mum. She is waiting to hear when her radiotherapy will start (within the next few weeks), and they have recommended not going for chemotherapy because of her history with pancreatic cancer. Instead after the radiotherapy has finished she'll probably have a course of hormone treatment. Recovery from the last operation hasn't been plain sailing, it's just all little niggling things which aren't serious but annoying enough to affect your day-to-day life and make you feel as though recovery is slow. I'm hoping to go over later this summer, when the kids have finished school, just for a few days, so I can go with her to hospital - just for the company really.

I think I'll just post a few photos of the last few weeks as an update. So much has happened, we'd all be here forever if I wrote about it all!

On 3 July I took part in the Ladies Tractor Road Run again. I'd forgotten quite how much fun it is. The Friday before we had a last practice run and everything went wrong, prompting me to wail 'I can't do this!' But it was like a bad dress rehearsal and everything went fine on the day itself, and the tractor and I are now very good friends. I raised almost £200 which made me very proud - o and the page will stay open for another couple of weeks if you still want to donate! Thanks so much to all of you who sent a donation - it is much, much appreciated. And yes, I did wear this

but obviously not JUST that... ;-)

Another finished object:

This is a very late birthday present for 12yo (her birthday is in April). The cover turned out to be much bigger than anticipated and I finally ordered the right size cushion pad for her a few weeks ago. Yes, I think the colours are hideous too, but then I'm not 12! It now takes pride of place on her duvet cover with matching peace signs.

Over the past few weeks I seem to have acquired two new hobbies. The first one is cycling. I've always enjoyed cycling but since B. installed a new bike computer, I've really got back into it again and now try to do a fairly long distance every weekend (last weekend was 40 miles!) There is so much to explore in Norfolk, I'm discovering lots of little country churches, large country houses, small villages, small market towns. The big advantage is that it is all fairly flat!

And the other hobby is antique/vintage/second-hand items. A few weeks ago, 12yo dropped the mixing bowl I'd had since getting married. As it was a present from ex-MIL, I wasn't too bothered! Before getting a new one, I asked mum if she had one she wasn't using (mum loves antiques) and she gave me a lovely French one, very unusual in shape, obviously used, but I love it. And that started me off. Why buy things new when there are so many items you can buy used and that have a story? I'm trawling Freecycle and Ebay, rummaging around charity shops, visiting antique markets. I've not bought much yet but am definitely getting an idea of what I like and what I don't like, and learning to see potential in items you'd normally dismiss. I'm specially pleased with this, an old flour sieve:

And last but not least a couple of photos of these two bambini of mine who are growing up soooo fast
12yo who is getting taller every day - she doesn't like it when I say she might even become taller than me

and 9yo who has 8 more days left at primary school. He has had several visits to his new school already, he knows which house he is in and who his tutor is, 12yo comes home and tells him which teachers he will have, and he is so excited. And me? I'm proud of who they are, I love this age, but it will be very odd to leave the safe, familiar surroundings of the small village school behind. Time really does fly - it seems only last week that he was in my arms while dropping off his big sister at preschool - and it really does feel like the end of an era.

Wednesday 22 June

2011-06-22T10:01:00.003+01:00

I'm still here - just trying to catch my breath after a few busy and turbulent weeks. I kept going on adrenaline I think and now it seems that things may calm down a little, the tiredness has hit me. I'm keeping going, but sleep a lot and wouldn't mind a week off. I'd rather save my holidays for when the kids break up though, so we can spend some time together.

Will write a longer post hopefully this weekend. In the meantime one thing I wanted to show and one thing I wanted to tell you about.
First a recently completed small project

I'm pretty certain their mum doesn't read this blog - and if she does, she is probably too busy right now to spend much time behind the computer! They're in the post on the way to the recipients anyway.
Other finished projects to follow soon!

And the one thing to tell you about is the 8th Ladies Tractor Road Run, which I'm taking part in next weekend. You can find more information here and my sponsorship page is here - please go and take a look. And if you're wondering at the comments from people who have donated: yes, I have crocheted a pink bikini and yes, I intend to wear it... ;-)

Last but not least I wanted to say thanks for all the messages of support. I may not have responded much or at all, and I haven't got around to reading many blogs lately, let alone leave comments, but I have read all the comments on here and I feel very grateful for all the support and well wishes. Thank you :-)
And with that, I'm off to bed!

Monday 6 June

2011-06-06T12:14:00.003+01:00

I have been meaning to post an update for a while, but haven't felt like it. The last few posts on this blog have all been so doom and gloom, and the news wasn't really much more cheerful, and I just didn't feel like writing another bad news report.
Right now, I'm back in Holland again. Mum is having another operation tomorrow, this time to remove all the lymph nodes from her arm pit as the three lymph nodes they took from her arm pit last time, weren't all free of malignant cells. It's not a huge setback, it was something they had told us was a possibility, but still, you'd rather hear 'everything was fine, let's move on to the next stage now'. It just makes the future a bit unclearer again, with more waiting before they'll know what the treatment plan will be.
Tomorrow we'll have to be at the hospital at 7.30 am. Considering it's just off the busiest motorway in Holland with notorious traffic jams, we'll probably leave very early. It's going to be a long day. At least I have plenty of knitting and crocheting to hand. I'm almost finished with a secret project and then I'll be on to crocheting a silly bikini for my annual ladies tractor road run next month. B. seems to think I'll be wearing a bikini and nothing else... not sure I'll be that brave ;-)

Sunday 22 May

2011-05-22T09:01:00.003+01:00

After a turbulent and busy week, I'm back on the ferry home. And it feels very odd. All day I've had a knot in my stomach about going. It's the right time to go - mum is managing well, is back to driving again and cooked me a meal tonight, so she's pretty much back to normal, or as much as is possible. I've done what I came to do - give her some practical help and moral support - now it's time to go back home to the children and B., to work and to my life.

But it feels like I'm leaving behind an unclosed chapter. I know that is the nature of this disease, you can't make any long-term predictions, but it is difficult nonetheless. Last time when she was ill and when I went back home after having spent nearly a month in Holland, it felt right to go back home. I'd been with her during her stay in hospital and then afterwards while she was recovering, and we'd been back to the hospital together for the results, which were very optimistic and there was nothing else left to do except wait and hope. This time round, we're waiting and hoping again, but just because she's had her operation, doesn't mean that we can't get any more bad news. It's hard to explain, but last time I felt we had a sense of closure that is missing this time.

I left dad's place about 3 this afternoon and then spent a few more hours with mum before setting out to Hoek van Holland. I still have that knot in my stomach and I think I'll have to swallow a very big lump in my throat when the ferry leaves. I'm going back home but I'm leaving home behind just as much. And that is hard.

Friday 20 May

2011-05-20T09:46:00.002+01:00

I had intended to post an update sooner than this, but the last three or four days have been such a whirlwind of emotions, that I have just been too tired. Things are slowly returning to normal now, thank goodness.

Mum had her operation on Tuesday. It was a very odd day. We had to be at the main hospital early in the morning where they did a series of 'gamma scans'. All together those took about 2.5 hours and unusually I was allowed to stay with her. She doesn't like scans very much, specially being enclosed in tunnels, and with this one the camera which was hidden in a sort of plate, came down really low - there can't have been more than half an inch between the end of her nose and the camera. The scans lasted 5 minutes each and she had to lie perfectly still, I could see the timer counting down but didn't dare tell her how much time was left in case I made her jump or more nervous. I felt so nervous on her behalf - I noticed after a while that my whole body was tensed up.
By 11.30 am we were finished and had to go on to the next hospital where they'd do the operation. Very old hospital which is due for demolition in the next couple of years, much smaller than the main hospital which is very modern and patient-friendly, this one's from the sixties and a bit the worse for wear. When we got to reception her surgeon was already there but totally got my back up by not introducing himself to me. We'd seen so many medical staff that day and everybody introduced themselves to both mum and me, and he just ignored me. I realised I was not in the right frame of mind to say anything so I swallowed what I wanted to say - after all, I did want him to do a good job on mum! but it didn't make for a very good first impression.
We had another ultrasound which was fascinating to see, then some Xrays and then finally she was taken to theatre. That was the hardest bit, specially as by then she'd been given a strong painkiller and she'd become a bit confused and suddenly looked really old and even ill.
The odd thing as well was that because breast cancer is so common, it's almost like people don't take it as 'seriously' as you feel it is. It is still cancer, it is still frightening, but for the hospital it's such a routine operation that for them it's quite a common situation. Also all the emotions from last time surfaced - the insecurity, the worry - and not everybody knew we'd been in a similar situation before.
A very long 2 hour wait and she was back on the ward, looking very grey and tired and in pain, but awake enough to realise she'd had the operation. By 7 she claimed she was ready to come home. I wish I'd put my foot down and said no, but she was quite adamant and we walked outside half an hour later - mum very wobbly on her feet and green around the gills with nausea from the anaesthetic. We had an hour in the car to get home - I've never driven so carefully!
Since then, she has recovered very well. She's up and about, she has an afternoon sleep still and she gets tired a bit more easily, but every day you can see her being able to do more and more. I'm probably returning to Britain on the overnight ferry on Sunday night. It's going to be odd to be going back, we've spent quite a lot of time together and the future is far from clear still. Lots of people say to her 'right, that's it, you've had your operation, now you're fine aren't you?' but we don't really know. They took out three lymph nodes and it depends on what they find in those what the treatment plan is. I wish I could go back home and feel that it was all dealt with and sorted, but once again I don't know when I'll have to go back next. I'm keeping my fingers very firmly crossed that the next time I go over, it'll be for fun and not for a hospital visit...

Sorry for another photo-less post, I took lots of photos of mum's home town when we went for a long walk with the dogs the other day, but haven't had the time (or the energy) to upload them just yet. Hopefully in the next post!

Monday 16 May

2011-05-16T18:31:00.003+01:00

So. Here we are again. Very much the same again and yet so different.

Three and a half years ago on an early, dark November morning I took my mum to hospital to have the first operation she'd ever had. Two months before she had first rung me to say she was suffering from jaundice. I remember that phone call so well - and I also remember so well thinking 'jaundice? right. A few weeks of rest and you'll be as right as rain'. Little did I realise that we would be going through a series of tests in the next few weeks with increasingly bad news and that the jaundice was a symptom of a tumor in her pancreas. By the time she went into hospital, she was as yellow as mustard, had practically stopped eating and didn't do much more than sleep. I'll never forget either that the first time I saw her when she'd developed the jaundice, I thought 'you are dying'. It was a very frightening feeling.
But, she was in good hands, the surgeons did a fantastic job and three and a half years down the line, you would never know that she once was so ill that the doctors were worried they wouldn't even be able to operate.

Little did I realise too that one day, we would be in a very similar situation again. Tomorrow I am picking her up very early in the morning and we're off to that same hospital - that hospital which is so big that it felt like a factory when we first went there, but which became such a familiar and later safe place to be. At lunchtime we're setting off to another hospital where once again they will take her away to try and make her better. I know she is in good hands but I know that will be the worst part of the day, letting her go and then waiting, waiting to hear that she is out of theatre and I can go and see her again.

It is tough. On Saturday I had to drop the children off with J. and say goodbye to them and not know when I'll see them next. I drove off with tears running down my cheeks. Yesterday I got to Holland and as usual I was so happy to see Hoek van Holland - as always, it is 'coming home'. But I so wish I was here for different reasons. In the meantime I'm carrying on working as much as possible. It means I keep a sense of normality, talking to the people at the office, hearing what they've been up to, but from time to time it's hard to concentrate too.

All these emotions are so familiar from last time, and yet, it is different too. This time around she is not ill, she looks well and is living life as normal. This time, the biggest difference is that it feels unfair that we have to go through it all again. But again this time, all I want is mum to be better again. And that feeling will never change.

Sunday 8 May

2011-05-08T20:46:00.009+01:00

A busy weekend

And not just this weekend - the rest of the week too.

There is a little bit of news about mum. So far, it looks like it is possible to do a lumpectomy. Of course this is a great relief, it's much less invasive than a mastectomy - it can even be done as a day procedure with no overnight stay. She'll probably be operated on early next week, which means I'll be off to Holland this coming weekend. I'll stay for as long as she needs help with cooking, cleaning, taking care of her animals.
Having a date for the operation makes me feel a lot less restless than I did earlier this week. A plan of action is in place, things are moving along, I know what is happening when. It's the not knowing that I find so tiring, wondering if you have to pack your bags at short notice and being uncertain of when you'll be back. I feel a lot more optimistic now that things are being done.

On Thursday, B. and I went to London for the recording of the News Quiz. The BBC often issues tickets for the recording of radio shows for free, and we've been to a few of them, but I had always wanted to go to the News Quiz. It was well worth the late night - Sandi Toksvig and Jeremy Harding were great. They're so quick witted and never laugh at their own jokes (although I have heard Sandi on the radio in fits of laughter at other people's jokes). The recording lasted an hour and a half, and they edit that down to a half hour show which is broadcast the following evening. We both listened, but neither of us could hear ourselves or the other laughing!
Well worth a listen to on BBC iPlayer.

Yesterday, B. installed a new bike computer on my bike. Years ago, his dad found an abandoned bike in a ditch next to one of their fields. When it wasn't picked up after a few days, I claimed it as mine and started exploring around their farm, going further and further afield as I became more familiar with the area. Last year, after 2000 miles together, I managed to get a shoe lace trapped in the chain and fell off the bike, and the bike computer stopped working. After that, I found it hard to summon up enthusiasm to get on the bike, still going but often returning after half an hour or so, thinking 'I've done my 30 minutes of exercise for today'. But yesterday he put a new computer on and I wanted to cycle to Bungay to get something from the local Coop supermarket there. It turned into a 22 mile bike ride which I thoroughly enjoyed. So I did another one today, but took photos along the way to show how great Norfolk is for cycling (it's mostly flat...!)

At the start of the ride, just coming out of Fritton and heading towards Hempnall, showing the grey, threatening clouds (I was lucky and only had a few drops of rain).

This road name always makes me wonder where it came from. Norfolk is good with descriptive road names - we have a Lonely Road and a Doctor's Lane nearby - but I suspect the Krons may have been a wealthy family in Hempnall.

This is the house just along from The Krons, called Krons Manor.

View towards the war memorial in Hempnall.

A barn along the way towards Saxlingham Green

On my way to Shotesham St Mary, I spotted a derelict church just yards from the current church. Very odd sight - I took a small detour to have a look but it was all roped off with warning signs all around it. According to B. they have recently cleared the ivy off, so maybe they're planning to do something with it.

Stoke Holy Cross Church

There is the odd hill in Norfolk... makes it look very pretty!

I didn't even know there was a Boudicca Way - it must be fairly well hidden as this was the only sign I saw for it!

An unusual looking gable.

I think this is Shotesham Church.

Another road name that makes you wonder!

View towards Hempnall Church

You see this style of building a lot in Norfolk. Most houses are less in need of a lick of paint though! This one sadly is a closed-down pub.

Not just hills, windmills too!

The Methodist Church in Hempnall

Shelton Church. It's one I've cycled past so often and one of my favourites. There are no houses nearby, just a primary school, and it seems strangely ornate for an area which is not very densely populated.

I had a quick look inside, it was very quiet and peaceful, and just as beautiful as the outside. Well worth a repeat visit.

Another ten minutes and I was back home. Slightly saddle sore but very much enjoyed exploring again.

Just a few quick photos of progress on the build:

Outside

Inside upstairs. This last picture was taken by B, as I don't do very well on ladders and I refuse to climb in...

After I came back home and we'd had our supper, we took our neighbour's dog for a walk. She's getting quite old and can't walk very well anymore since breaking her hip a few years ago, and isn't really able to take the dog walking. During the holidays we took it out one afternoon, which we all enjoyed, so tonight, with the nice weather still continuing, we went out for another hour. N. on the bike, I. with the dog on the lead and me with the camera.

The pargeting on the house across the road from mine - isn't it pretty?

I have been crafting as well, but nothing much to show for it and it's a picture heavy post as it is! I'll try to post more often with slightly shorter posts...

Thursday 28 April

2011-04-28T21:58:00.003+01:00

I'm prescribing myself a sofa day tomorrow... boy am I tired! It's been a bit of a rollercoaster week, and I remember from last year that it is important that I don't keep going as a sort of superwoman, but take time out for myself as well. So, tomorrow I'll be mostly watching a certain wedding and doing some knitting and not much else.

After mum unexpectedly popped into the cafe yesterday morning on her way back after her MRI scan, I spent most of the day working till it was time for her appointment with the surgeon. He kept us waiting for over half an hour, but then took all the time we needed.
So far things aren't quite clear cut. There are two abnormal areas (on the same side, thankfully), of which one is definitely malignant. The other one they're not sure about, and they want to be certain what it is before they decide on a course of action as it could mean the difference between a mastectomy or lumpectomy. The medical team were meeting tonight and would take a decision then - chances are they'll do a biopsy on the second area to determine its nature before they set a date for the operation. After the operation there will be a course of treatment, but until they know the exact type of cancer, they also can't say yet what that treatment will entail.

I did come away feeling much more positive than I had earlier this week. The outlook is so much better than with pancreatic cancer, and the team is very optimistic and most of all, very caring. Of course I would rather she didn't have cancer again, but I feel she couldn't be in better hands and that makes a big difference.

It was all very tiring though. After we'd finished talking to the team, we had something to eat in the cafe and then I set off back to the ferry. My usual road was closed and I had to take a detour without my GPS or a map as I'd forgotten both, just relying on my rusty knowledge of topography from primary school! I did get to the port on time and travelled back last night on the overnight ferry. Drove straight from Harwich to Cambridge to go to work (my colleagues said I could work from home but I thought the distraction of being in the office would be welcome), and by the middle of the afternoon I started to feel very tired. I'm now just waiting for B. to ring and then I can get my head down...

So, a long way to go yet and still with a longer stay in Holland in the future, but it's a cautiously optimistic future we're facing. And for now, I'm very grateful for that.

And a little PS: thank you for all the well wishes. They are much appreciated...

Wednesday 27 April

2011-04-27T08:47:00.003+01:00

I'm sitting here in the hospital cafe, trying to get a few hours of work done before mum's appointment this afternoon. I travelled to Holland overnight. I had a complimentary upgrade to a comfort class cabin, which felt bitter sweet - yes, it's nice to have a more comfortable place to stay, but really, I didn't want to be on that ferry at all. It's all felt very odd - last time I was on the ferry, was with I. and her two friends and we were all excited about going away for a few days. Last time I was in this hospital was almost 18 months ago when we thought mum's cancer had returned in her liver - and it hadn't. When I left that time, I didn't think I'd be back here again, and definitely not for something that wasn't related to why she spent so much time here before. I had to swallow a big lump as I drove past the ward where she stayed after her operation 3 1/2 years ago. Everything in the hospital feels so familiar, I even recognise some faces, which in a way feels nice, but on the other hand, as on the ferry, I wish I didn't have to be here.

Let's hope we have a bit more certainty about the future later this afternoon.

Tuesday 26 April

2011-04-26T14:19:00.006+01:00

The National Vintage Tractor Road Run in Pembrokeshire this weekend - the perfect distraction from everything that's occupying my mind at the moment.

A quick update on mum: I'm travelling to Holland on the overnight ferry tonight. She has an MRI scan in the morning and in the afternoon an appointment with the surgeon for results of the biopsy and a plan of action. The plan for now is that I'll travel back to Britain again on the overnight ferry on Wednesday night, and then returning to Holland when she has her operation and is recovering. We should know a bit more by tomorrow evening.

Sometimes life bites you when you least expect it

2011-04-22T10:57:00.002+01:00

My miracle mum who managed to survive pancreatic cancer over three years ago, has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. At the moment, life just feels very unfair that she has to go through it all over again.

Monday 11 April

2011-04-11T07:21:00.002+01:00

Just popping in for a short-ish post. The Easter holidays have arrived, and with that the juggling act of amusing children and trying to get work done has started. I normally try to work half days on the days I work from home in order to ease the pressure somewhat, but this holiday I've already got a week off to go to Holland and didn't want to take any more time off. I. and N. are getting to the stage where they often get on with their own things while we're at home anyway, so I thought I'd try and see how I got on with working all my hours, but then spread about a bit more. It's hard work and doesn't leave much room for getting out and about, but at least this way we get to spend some time together. And in the meantime they are learning to get on with a few chores too - can't be a bad thing!

Lots of progress on the building the last couple of weeks.

The gable ends are up and some of the sheets of plywood have gone up as well - mostly to strengthen the structure in preparation for the main beam which will run from one end to the other (almost 12 m long!).

The cat's still enjoying a spot of acrobatics

Progress was slightly hindered by B. having a knee injury. Not quite sure what's going on - he goes skiing on a dry-ski slope once or twice a week and has had a few tumbles lately. On Saturday his knee swelled up like a melon. When he started feeling odd with it, I took him to A&E (it really did look quite frightening), but when we got there, he said it had started to feel a bit better so we didn't actually go in. Over the weekend the swelling began to subside and he could bend his leg again on Sunday morning. Very odd - I think he's just overdone it, he thinks he had an infection.

Cairn hat is finished, so's the first mitten, with ends still needing to be woven in. I had to reknit the last few rows as the mitten was too long. Just cast on for number 2 this afternoon. We've had a week of glorious sunshine and it felt odd to be knitting mittens whilst sitting outside in the sunshine getting a tan, but our weekend in Wales is coming up and 25 miles on a tractor without cab can be very chilly... I think they'll come in useful!

First though I have 3 days with I. and two of her friends in Holland to look forward to. I haven't been to Holland since November and it's been too long - I'm counting the days as eagerly as the girls are!

Tuesday 5 April

2011-04-04T13:40:00.004+01:00

Today, my big girl, you are 12. One more year before you're officially a teenager.

I remember so vividly visiting your Middle School during an open morning when you were almost 9 and were due to go there the following September. The oldest children were 12 and 13, and I couldn't imagine that you would ever be like those teenagers. I may even have thought 'she will not be like them!'
But now you are so similar to those children, and you know what? It's not really that scary. It's actually very enjoyable to see you grow up into an independent person, with your own opinion and likes and dislikes. Every day you grow up a bit more and you become a bit more interesting. It is fun to discover traits and characteristics which you have obviously inherited from your parents or grandparents, and ones that are just from you and make you the unique girl that I love so very much.

You are mijn grote meid and I'm so proud of you. Happy birthday!
Mamma xxxx

Mother's Day

2011-04-04T09:04:00.004+01:00

Much as I enjoy being spoilt, I feel that Mother's Day can get very commercial. Cards, presents, flowers - it seems whatever you are supposed to be doing for your mum, it involves someone making money out of it. For me that is not what Mother's Day is about. A little bunch of spring violets that N. picks for me in the morning at the bus stop, or I. suddenly bringing me a cup of tea, means a lot more than the kids wandering around the supermarket trying to choose something that they think I might like.
So, I told them a few weeks beforehand that I didn't want any money spent. Any gifts had to be home made. They moaned a bit, mostly in the 'o trust her to come up with that' way, but I think in the end they enjoyed it.
And I did feel thoroughly spoilt: a bunch of daffodils and a pot with a primrose, two candles in the shape of their initials, a box with truffles (yummm!) and two handmade cards. N.'s text made me laugh: Sit down, relax, put your feet up and... get knitting! That's my boy :-)
I. took care of supper and made some lovely pizza breads, and I didn't have to clear up afterwards.
But the very best thing about Mother's Day? I get it all again in May, as that's when Mother's Day is in Holland!

March Photo Scavenger Hunt

2011-04-03T18:47:00.006+01:00

I'm a little late in on this one, but then I only found out halfway through March, so I think I am excused!
A fun little photo project, every month you get 10 or 12 items you need to take a photo of. You can interpret them as you want, which is what makes it so much fun - trying to come up with an unusual photo.

Anyway, these are my ones for March.

Something sentimental:
This little chair belonged to my grandmother. She got divorced in the fifties and ended up pretty much homeless with three children under the age of 10. Apparently she bought this chair on the famous flea-market in Amsterdam. When I was 12, she passed away and the chair came to live in my parents' house, and then when I moved to Britain, it came with to live with J. and me. It was green originally and I painted it this colour blue and made a new cover for the cushion. It now lives in my bedroom and although it isn't the prettiest chair, I'm very fond of it.

Something green:
Discovered I was making this recipe in the same pan as in the photo with the recipe! Love my green Le Creusset...

Peeling paint:
Barn at B's farmhouse. The doors, windows and roof are all B's work. Apparently his dad insisted on using this particular paint on the doors, and B. warned him it would peel. Which it did.

Shadow:
Sunshine and shadows on B's kitchen floor early one Sunday morning

A lamb (or rather, a few lambs!):

Spotted on a bike ride

Something as old as you are:
Almost - this is from 1969 and I'm from 1970. This is the tractor we brought back from Holland almost 2 years ago.

A fancy gate:
This was probably the subject that we enjoyed the most. It really got us to look at buildings in a different light, and we still go around spotting fancy gates. This one is in Bury St. Edmunds and forms the entrance to a B&B.

A lion:
As real-life lions are in short supply around here, this is what I came up with. It's from a Dutch children's book, that many Dutch children grow up with.

A collection:
I've always liked dolls and specially rag dolls. The one on the right was a present from my mum to I. a few years ago, but she now lives on my bed. The other two were presents from the kids for Christmas and Mother's Day.

An empty chair:
This chair really is nearly always empty. It's my fourth dining room chair.

A ring:
I haven't worn rings since I took my wedding ring and engagement ring off 7 years ago. I still had some rings but most of them got stolen about 18 months in a burglary. The one that upset me the most was a ring my mum gave to me for my 18th birthday and which was meant to go to I. when she turns 18.
This ring is one that mum bought for I. last year.

A rainbow:
I'll admit to cheating here... I had trouble finding a rainbow, so I got I. to draw me one... Just as she'd done one, my dad mailed me to say there was a rainbow on the Lyme Regis webcam - but I missed that one.

I've very much enjoyed this month's hunt and am already wondering what to do for 'something to do with Shakespeare' for April's hunt!

Friday 1 April

2011-03-29T22:05:00.007+01:00

To my big boy

You're nine today. Your last year in single figures, yet so close to double figures. And that's just as you are right now - so grown-up in one way, yet so small still in other ways.

You have changed so much since I wrote your birthday letter last year. You still like big words and you still talk a lot. You like being in charge but you are also the most generous person I could wish for. You've not changed there at all. But you only have another three months left at primary school before you'll follow your big sister to Middle School in September. Last year, I thought it impossible that you could ever seem ready to make that move. In the course of this school year though, you have changed, grown, matured, and you're ready now for a new challenge. Ready to leave the safety of that small, familiar school behind, which you have known for such a long time. Ready to take another step towards the big, wide world and ready to become that little bit more independent yet again.

Every so often I am reminded that parenthood is all about raising your child to become an independent person. But when I feel your hand in mine in the morning when we cross the road to the bus stop, I am secretly glad that you still need me to hold that hand sometimes.

Happy birthday klein mannetje

Mamma xxx

Wednesday 30 March

2011-03-29T21:04:00.005+01:00

I have felt a bit out of sorts for a few days. Without going into too much detail, I have been trying to sort out hormonal troubles for a while now, without much luck. Last week I got started on a possible new solution, but this comes with side-effects which, I've been told, can take about 3 months to settle down. Well, let me tell you, it's not what my already haywire hormones needed. I shouted at the radio to shut up, I was rather rude to a cold-caller on the phone and I bawled my eyes out over my keyboard at the loneliness of working from home. I didn't feel like doing anything that I normally enjoy, and on top of it all, I was tired beyond belief. In short, everything was wrong with the world.

Things seemed a bit brighter today though. Not the weather - after more than a week of glorious sunshine, blossom, tiny, almost transparent green leaves appearing and being able to sit outside at lunchtime - we had grey, overcast skies today with very miserable drizzle in the afternoon. The sort of drizzle that totally fog up your glasses when you're out and about. But my mood was improved - not sure if it was the early night, but I just feel a bit better and more myself again. Thank goodness.

Lots of progress on the building of which this one is the best:

All the floor joists are in, and apparently the floor boards for the first floor are in too, but I haven't seen them yet. Putting the floor joists in was a team effort, L, who is doing an internship at work, came to stay with us at the weekend and quickly got roped in, plus me, B., his son and his dad, all with a job to do. It was fun - it felt like something out of the film Witness.

My highlight of last week was teaching S. from work to knit. She'd said a few times that she wanted to learn and last week we had time for a quick coffee at Starbucks, so I brought my knitting needles and yarn, and within half an hour she'd knitted a row.

The following day she'd done another row without any errors, and I even caught her doing a few sneaky stitches behind the computer. She told me on Monday that it's now almost a square - looking forward to seeing it tomorrow. I realised I'd never taught anyone to knit before, apart from I. who keeps showing a passing interest.

On the knitting front, I have almost finished my Cairn hat, just a few more rows. N. said the pattern looks like a spiderweb. I'd like to make the matching mittens too, I think they'll probably go faster than the hat.
I'm still working on I's peace sign granny cushion. Six and a half squares done, two and a half to go. And the back. She's going to get a couple of squares wrapped up for her birthday with an IOU, and I'll have to be strict with myself to finish it off, as I'm not enjoying it that much - it doesn't help that the pattern is so complicated that you can't work on it when there are distractions.

O and I made marmalade last weekend... Six or seven jars, I had a sore thumb from cutting up I don't know how many kumquats (too sour to eat, so in they went) and oranges.

It took ages to get it to set and when I left B's place on Sunday, it was still too warm to be able to tell if it was set properly, but B. had it for breakfast on Monday and said it was very good. Will have to get a photo of the jars later this week.

Lots happening this week, tomorrow I'm going for a school lunch at N's school as they're doing a Mother's Day lunch (roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, hungry already!), it's N's 9th birthday on Friday, tomorrow B's coming over to bring over the table-tennis table that I managed to buy on eBay for their birthdays, on Tuesday I. will be 12 (where did that time go!) and on Wednesday I've got a day off work to go on a school trip with N. to a Hands on Heritage site - we'll be doing activities such as weaving, spinning, dyeing, pottery and breadmaking. I think putting me in charge of a group of Year 3s and 4s might not be such a good idea - I'll be far too busy with all the activities to keep an eye on my charges ;-)

I'll leave you with a photo of N. rolling around in the wool that arrived in the post the other day. That's my boy!

Monday 21 March

2011-03-21T12:03:00.007Z

Spring, it's officially Spring today! (or was it yesterday?) Not that Spring is my favourite season or that I'd ever be able to choose a favourite season. I even like winter. Before Christmas, when you have all the dark days in November, there is nothing better than to light the fire and have the candles burning on the mantelpiece. As soon as the festivities are out of the way, the days noticeably start to get longer and snowdrops begin to appear. It makes up for the seemingly endless days of dreary, grey weather.

Talking of Spring, we had a lovely sunny weekend. After N's swimming lesson, where to my surprise and delight I spotted two other women knitting, we drove to Bury St. Edmunds for our fortnightly treat of lunch at M&S. We even eat the same thing every time: I. has egg and watercress sandwiches, N. has a bacon roll, I have ham and mustard dressing sandwiches, all followed by a fruit scone. Afterwards we wandered over the market, getting some fruit and veg, and then it was back to the park for our first icecream of the year in our usual spot:

We didn't stay long though, as the sunny weather was calling me to the garden. On our way back to the car I had to stop to take a photo of the cathedral spire looking pretty through the still bare tree branches:

Back home N. and I spent a couple of hours pottering about in the garden. I'd given him a job which made him feel quite important and which he was doing quite well, until he decided to add water to the mix... What is it with boys and mud?
It was even sunny enough to have our first cup of tea at the picnic table - or so we thought! There was a bit of shivering going on and by the time I got to B.'s house, it was well and truly chilly again. Spring's here but Winter hasn't quite left us yet.

Quite a lot of progress on the building project. B. surprised us all and was outside measuring at 6 on Saturday morning (he's notorious for getting up in the mornings) and by the time I got to his place on Saturday evening, the two end walls were up. By the time I went back home again on Sunday afternoon, this is what it looked like:

And he did a bit more after I left, even getting a few floor-joists in. I'm hoping to get to see it for myself tomorrow evening. What I like about a building project is how doing something seemingly small, can totally change its character. It looks so different now from when there was just the brick walls, and once the gables go up (hopefully in the next couple of weeks), it'll look very different again.
It was great being outdoors all day, originally neither of us thought I could do much - I'm happy to do general labouring stuff, but the real building work I leave to the expert. But when I got back from my bike ride, he asked me to hold a post while he attached them, and it ended up being teamwork. Good fun.

The cat very much enjoys a new structure to explore too:

He climbed up the ladder you can see in the previous photo, walked all the way across to the other end of the building, walked along this ridge, turned around and came down again, without falling, on one of the cross-battens (not the right word but I sometimes forget the right jargon...)
We've also already found him once underneath the concrete floor - he's one of the most curious cats I've ever known.

Something that made me happy this week:
I've already used the photo of I. and N. eating icecream in the park, so I can't use that, but this came pretty close:

Knitting my Cairn hat outside in the sunshine

Wednesday 16 March

2011-03-16T10:54:00.007Z

Much as I have enjoyed doing the Simple Woman's Daybook, I've felt for a few weeks it's time for a change. I may return to it at some point, but for now I'm not enjoying it as much as I should do. After all, blog writing should be fun, right?
For an online group I've been a member of for several years, we kept a diary for a week. We all said we had such ordinary lives and we do, but when you keep a diary, you notice that actually, something interesting happens almost every day.
I really enjoyed writing that journal, and thought I'd try to post here more often with just little snippets of everyday life. We'll see how it goes!

The weekend was all about food...

Cheese fondue with cheese that B. brought back from his ski trip in France in February

Served with a crunchy rocket salad, inspired by reading Nigel Slater's The Kitchen Diaries, my new favourite cookbook. He writes well, he makes me laugh, he has very simple recipes, I love the photos. I got it from the library but I suspect I won't be able to resist temptation and soon head over to Amazon to get my own copy!

And rhubarb pie for afters. My rhubarb plant has survived years of neglect, in fact, it seems to thrive on neglect and would get huge if a certain almost 9 year old didn't like rhubarb quite so much and didn't regularly come into the kitchen with armfuls of rhubarb stems! The pie here had the first rhubarb of the season and is made with a layer of almond paste on top of sweet pastry.

I've been preoccupied with cooking with leftovers and fruit that's about to hit the compost bin. I noticed that I throw away far too much - often a case of eating something else than what I had planned, or only needing a small amount of something and ending up with the rest in the fridge, not knowing what to do with it. Last Sunday I made hummus with an opened can of chickpeas, which I've had for lunch a couple of times this week, we have homemade yoghurt in the fridge, and I've been baking rolls with a mediterranean flavour (tomatoes and olives):

It took a lot of willpower not to touch them when they first came out of the oven - the whole house smelt of freshly baked bread and nothing more mouth-watering than that...

I had an unexpected few hours with almost 12 year old I. on Saturday. They were with J. all weekend but I happened to be home on Saturday and I thought she'd enjoy coming to town with me rather than go to the pool to watch N. during his swimming lesson. It was only a few hours but it was lovely to have some time together and as a treat we had a coffee at Thornton's cafe.

The weekend was for getting back to the building project too. The brickwork was finished last Friday and the brickie had left quite a lot of mess behind. So we had a good tidy-up around and B. has now got started on the woodwork. It's been a few months since we stacked all the bricks out and there was virtually no progress over the winter, so it feels good to get going again.

Have been busy knitting and crocheting too.

This is the hideous, sorry, colourful colour combination that I. requested for her birthday. It actually hurts my eyes working on it. I thought 4 squares would be enough but it doesn't quite cover the cushion pad, so now I have to make 9. I made a calculation error and thought I had to do 6. You can see why I didn't take Maths beyond age 16, can't you? As it's a surprise, I can only work on it when she's not around, which makes for slow progress.
I also finally started on Cairn and am really enjoying that - my favourite project out of all of them right now and the one with the least priority... isn't that always the case?
I'm having a battle of wills with a dishcloth for my monthly swap. I was halfway through the first one with a lovely lace pattern, but it just didn't grab me. Started on a brickwork pattern, loved it, but the edges are very messy. Started again and the edges are still untidy. Argh! I'm giving it one more go with a different border, hoping it will look right...

Something that made me happy this week:
On Mondays we do our weekly shop, then have a coffee at Costa before we drive to the pool for a swim. We normally have 45 minutes or so till the pool opens, and this week I'd treated the kids to a magazine. They both sat there happily reading, while I was happily knitting. We didn't really talk, we were just busy relaxing. Lovely.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2011-03-06T20:20:00.001Z

For Monday 7 March

First of all, thank you for all the comments on my last post. We had a lovely time, very relaxing, just as I'd hoped it would be. And we've already booked the same cottage for next year again :-)
Because we had no internet connection, I'm really behind on blog reading - I will catch up at some point!
I'd like to reply to you all individually, but sometimes the comments won't let me reply, and I haven't quite worked out why that is yet. I do appreciate all comments though, and love reading them!

Onto the daybook. As I haven't done one for a few weeks, I wondered if maybe the format was getting a bit stale. But if I've not seen another idea which I like as much, and it does keep me posting. I think I'll look back at it one day and will see it as a nice memento of what my life was like.

So, without further ado!

Outside my window... the sun is shining. And it's supposed to stay like this all day, in contrast to Saturday which started the same way but by lunchtime it was grey, drizzly and ever so cold. A reminder that although Spring's almost here, Winter's not quite left yet.

I am thinking... that it's probably almost time to start sewing some seeds again. I've started saving old yoghurt pots and I'm specially looking forward to having nasturtiums again - they are so easy to grow and look so cheerful. What I liked about them was all the different colours orange they had. I might have a look around and see if I can find some other colours or varieties, along with the traditional colours again.

I am thankful for... having lots of things which we take for granted, but are luxuries in other countries. I watched the first part of Famous, Rich and in the Slums last Thursday. For those of you not in the UK: every two years we have a big fundraising event in the UK called Red Nose Day. It started 25 years ago and lots of people all over the country do silly things to raise money for charity, mostly for under-developed countries in Africa but also for causes back in the UK. In the run-up to Red Nose Day, on 18 March this year, there are usually several documentaries showing us what has been done with the money that was raised. In Famous, Rich and in the Slums four celebrities go to Africa and live in the slums to experience for themselves what poverty really means. It was a real eye-opener. Yes, you do know a lot of what goes on, but I think it is good that it gets shown from time to time. It makes you feel humble that in this part of the world, it's normal for most people to have an education, to have clean water, to have a warm house, to have food at the end of the day.

From the kitchen... parsnip and lemon soup in the slow cooker, banana teabread with some very old leftover bananas, homemade yoghurt. Not sure about the soup - I don't like root vegetables that much, apart from leeks (do they count as a root vegetable?), but I keep on trying anyway.

I am wearing... my newest bestest most favouritest cardigan. Every year in Lyme Regis my dad buys me a present, usually earrings. This year he'd bought a pair of earrings before we went, and once we were there, we spotted a shop with Weird Fish clothing. I knew of Weird Fish, dad had never heard of them - it's not something I'd splash out on for myself, mostly because of budgettary restraints! He saw a nice sweater for himself and the shop window also had a cornflower blue cardigan - one of my favourite colours. It fitted perfectly, his Dutch credit card worked, and since then, I've worn this cardigan almost every single day. I've already told him I want another one next year ;-)

I am creating... so many things. I eat sleep drink knitting and crochet at the moment. Most days I wish I could craft all day, and my mind is overflowing with ideas. I am knitting my usual monthly dishcloth. I was knitting a pair of 'plain vanilla' socks but had to unravel as they were a bit on the wide side, so need to cast on again with fewer stitches. I am knitting Ysolda's Cairn hat and mittens. I am working on the Shale Baby Blanket by Brooklyn Tweed (I love his patterns - he is so talented!). I am making a very brightly coloured cushion for I's upcoming birthday, in bright pink and bright orange (nothing like a 12 year old's taste!), consisting of peace sign granny squares. A few people have asked me to knit something for them. If I could have super powers, I'd make the day last twice as long.

I am going... to have a hot chocolate drink and a hot water bottle and be off to bed when I've finished writing this post and finished working.

I am reading... Cranford by Elizabeth Gaskill. I've not been able to settle on a book lately, where you get totally captivated and can't stop reading it. Maybe it's lack of time, usually I read for fifteen minutes or so in bed but often I'm very tired and just want to go to sleep. I read The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society on holidays and although that was good, I thought the love story was a bit predictable.

I am hoping... for a cheese fondue this weekend.

I am hearing... bird song every time I step out of the back door. The birds definitely think it's Spring time and seem to be enjoying the sunny day too!

Around the house... lots of little bunches of flowers hand picked by N. (daffodils, little bluebell type flowers), a bunch of white tulips which were discounted at Tesco last week and are still going strong, and several pots with bulbs which I planted up this weekend - no idea what they are, I think daffodils!

One of my favourite things... is setting the alarm on my radio alarm clock, then setting the radio to Sleep, turning the light off and snuggling under the duvet with my feet on my hot water bottle, knowing that I won't have to get out of bed for another seven hours. Bliss.

A few plans for the rest of the week... just an ordinary week with usual activities: work, library, afterschool clubs. I do have to pick up a table tennis table that I managed to buy on Ebay for the children's upcoming birthday - not sure how I'm going to store that until their birthday without them noticing...

A picture for thought I'm sharing...

One which I meant to include in my last post - possibly my favourite one, although it is hard to choose a favourite!

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

An impression of Lyme Regis

2011-03-04T11:56:00.009Z

Lyme Regis 2011

Walking

Photographing

(guess what he's getting for his upcoming 9th birthday...)

Knitting

Colour on the inevitable grey February days

Eating

Exploring

Spending time with my favourite people

Meeting old friends

Beaches

and views, always the stunning views

Back again next year....

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2011-02-16T13:13:00.002Z

For Wednesday 16 February

This week is going so quickly, that I totally forgot about the daybook yesterday.

Outside my window... the sun is shining. It's a very weak, almost watery sun, but with a certain softness to it that you get in early spring.

I am thinking... how odd it is that when you wake up on Monday, the week seems so long and Friday seems an eternity away. And then, before you know it, it's Wednesday and the week is half gone, and Friday's just around the corner.
And that happens to me week in, week out.

I am thankful for... last Sunday. Normally B. and I don't get to spend Valentine's together, as it's usually during half term and he goes skiing and I'm off on our seaside holiday. We don't really think that much of Valentine's, we often give each other little presents during the year, but because we were actually together this year, we thought we'd make a bit more effort. So he got me a pink John Deere hat which I love (to go with his latest tractor), and I got him some very expensive chocolates, which he loved, and we had a very big breakfast. Small, simple pleasures.

From the kitchen... was supposed to come broccoli and apple soup for lunch, but I didn't fancy it and had rye crispbreads with cottage cheese instead. Tonight we were going to have macaroni cheese but I have so much to do still that we may well end up having a toasted sandwich at Costa when we have finished our library visit this afternoon.

I am wearing... jeans, a red t-shirt with a red wool cardigan, a thin ski fleece on top and fingerless gloves to keep warm. Most of my clothes are now washed and ready for our holiday next week, which means you end up wearing things from the back of the wardrobe. The red cardigan is a bit itchy and really a little bit too small.

I am creating... I's fingerless gloves. I was doing well and halfway through the second one, when I found that I'd mistakenly cast on with needles 1.25 mm bigger than the first pair. Argh! So had to start again. I am on track to finish them for Friday, which is what she was hoping for.

I am going... to take lots of knitting projects with me to Lyme Regis. What I'm most looking forward to is being in a different environment, away from responsibilities and duties, and having time to do what I want to do. O and having a whole uninterrupted week with the kids, that has to be the best bit.

I am reading... Regeneration by Pat Barker. Only just started, picked it up from the library this afternoon.

I am hoping... for decent weather next week. Which only means that I don't want rain all week. Anything else is fine - snow, storm, sun, I don't mind, not even the odd rain shower. Just not wet all the time.

I am hearing... something on Channel 5 on the telly. I was watching Cowboy Builders with I. earlier and I haven't switched the telly off yet.

Around the house... it needs a good tidy-up. Dad is coming over on Friday evening and I want the house to be left fairly tidy while we're away. Nothing worse than coming home to a house that you've left behind in a messy state.

One of my favourite things... was this afternoon. After the library we had a coffee at Costa. The kids had gone to find a table and by the time I turned up with the tray, they were both engrossed in a book. So I got my book out too and we all sat there quietly reading for half an hour. It was lovely.

A few plans for the rest of the week... laundry, hoovering, packing. And work.

A picture for thought I'm sharing...

This morning's sunrise near to B's house.

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

Hearts garland

2011-02-11T22:40:00.003Z

Not like me to post outside my Daybook, but I was very pleased with this and have wanted to post it since it was finished, but had to wait till it was received!

Tilly is the daughter of J's cousin, and she had her first birthday today. Happy birthday Tilly!

Pattern is from here.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2011-02-09T11:32:00.004Z

For Wednesday 9 February

My daybook seems to have permanently shifted a day!

Outside my window... it is grey and gloomy and very sombre. We had a gloriously sunny day yesterday which ended very cold, but this morning dawned with grey mist. The sort of greyness that lasts all day and can only be cheered by a fire and some candles when it gets dark.

I am thinking... that I must make some more fat balls. I made some for the first time a few weeks ago and to my surprise they were ever so easy, and a big hit with the birds. I have some empty coconut shells which could really do with getting out of my kitchen. I love seeing how the food in the old apple tree attracts so many different birds.

I am thankful for... the lengthening days. Although getting up early is not something I mind that much, it is so much easier when it's already getting light. It's still light when I pick the children up on Sunday afternoons and not quite dark yet when I drive home from work.

From the kitchen... pesto/cream cheese crispbreads for lunch, and one of the children's favourites for supper: twice baked potatoes, followed by tapioca pudding.

I am wearing... several layers again. It was warm enough last week to keep the heating off a few times, but now the house gets cold again during the day.

I am creating... dishcloths, dishcloths and more dishcloths. One of my swap dishcloths that I posted before Christmas, went missing in the post, so I promised my swap partner another one. I had also promised a dishcloth to a friend in return for a cake, and then there is a dishcloth to make for this month's swap. I'm also working on I's fingerless gloves and would really like to finish those before we go to Lyme Regis. I had plans for a few more items before we go there, but realise now that as always, they were a bit ambitious.

I am going... to go and make my hot water bottle and hot chocolate in a moment and climb into bed. Once again this post was written in the course of a day, it's been a long day and I'm tired.

I am reading... not that much. I pretty much finished the architecture book. We were supposed to go to the library last week but N. had a bad earache and we only popped to town and came home again. We'll try to go next week, so the kids both have something to read in the car on the way down to Lyme Regis.

I am hoping... that the parcels which I'm expecting, arrive soon. I still get excited about something nice in the post.

I am hearing... the dishwasher in the kitchen.

Around the house... it will most definitely need hoovering tonight, as my hairdresser is coming over and all three of us are having our hair cut. As we all have quite similar and very thick hair, it'll be interesting to see what she leaves behind.

One of my favourite things... is the way N. likes to pick wild flowers and put them in a little glass jar somewhere around the house. I've had snowdrops in an old pate jar for a couple of weeks now. He often picks them at the school bus stop in the morning.

A few plans for the rest of the week... work in the office for a couple of days and then my weekend at B's house. I'm hoping for some decent weather, a bike ride and a run, and apart from that some sofa time with my knitting.

A picture for thought I'm sharing...

If you look closely, you can see two 8 year olds on their way to the school bus stop early in the morning.

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2011-02-02T12:03:00.002Z

For Wednesday 2 February

Again a day late - this week's running away from me.

Outside my window... we have a little bit of sunshine, thank goodness! It's a blustery day today and the wind makes it feel colder than it would be if you were out in the sunshine now.

I am thinking... that I'll be very happy if the sheets on the line will actually dry today.

I am thankful for... having lots of positive comments at parents' evening last night for I. She is a quiet girl (not at home she isn't! She is going through a phase of speaking with an accent and has just discovered the Australian accent...) who works hard. She loves art, which I was maybe more proud of than the fact she does well in Maths and Science!

From the kitchen... lots of new dishes - very much into trying new things. Tonight we had cheesy veg crumble, which I really enjoyed and the kids hated (nothing new there!) This weekend I'm looking forward to trying out a Jamie Oliver recipe - I've had several of his cookbooks for years and would you believe, never tried any of them!

I am wearing... a change from my usual umpteen layers! Tshirt, fleece top, lycra bottoms and trainers - I did some exercises earlier this evening and haven't got changed yet.

I am creating... I's fingerless gloves. Slow going, it's just been busy the last couple of days with things needing to be done. So much for the 20 minutes of crafting each day - to be honest, it's been so busy I'd even forgotten about it. I got terribly frustrated on Monday when I forgot to bring my knitting when I went for a doctor's appointment - I got to the surgery and found that they'd cancelled the appointment (even though a few days before, I had asked them to confirm twice!). I had to wait 40 minutes for the next available appointment, and because of swine-flu, there are no longer any magazines in the waiting room. I was just cursing myself when fortunately I got told the appointment could be combined with another one I'd made for the following day, but that is the last time I forget my knitting!
I finished N's hat and now can't find the photo! Will update this post when it resurfaces.

I am going... to go and have a shower when I've finished this post and then climb into my bed with freshly cleaned sheets - yes, they did get dry on the line! (that's what happens when it takes you all day to write a post).

I am reading... a beautiful book about Frank Lloyd Wright. I never realised how prolific he was and how beautiful his buildings were. I specially like his early work.

I am hoping... that N. is alright to go to school tomorrow, as he came home with bad earache this afternoon. A dose of junior ibuprofen seemed to hit the spot, as he was much more cheerful when he went to sleep, but I'm expecting to be woken during the night!

I am hearing... very little - just the humming of the computer, the odd car driving past on the road outside my house and a little snoring from N.

Around the house... it needs hoovering. Again. Doesn't it always?

One of my favourite things... is checking out the discounted bunches of flowers on Mondays when we go shopping. Flowers are so expensive in Britain, specially when you're used to large Dutch bunches - I bought 30 roses for 5 euros on the market there a few years back! And they lasted ages. Anyway, the supermarket obviously discounts the bunches of flowers that haven't been sold over the weekend, and we've had some real bargains.

A few plans for the rest of the week... going to work, meeting my new colleague (yes, the one I interviewed last week - she got offered the job and started last Monday), picking up a new intern who's going to stay with us for 2 months, N. has a birthday party on Saturday so I. and I have a few hours together which I'm really looking forward to.

A picture for thought I'm sharing...

My hairy monster, who I love so very much.

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2011-01-26T07:50:00.005Z

For Wednesday 26 January

A day late, but work's a bit busy and I've been composing this post for the last two days!

Outside my window... it's been very grey for the last few days. Spring is on its way, I discovered snowdrops in the garden the other day and the birds are singing at dawn and dusk, but it's looking decidedly gloomy and mid-winter-ish out there.

I am thinking... what to do with my Chinese chicken soup from last night - not sure if it will freeze and I didn't intend to have leftovers, but I don't fancy eating it for the next three days either.

I am thankful for... my much warmer house! Yes, oil finally arrived on Friday, when I wasn't here - I found the delivery note on Saturday morning. It's amazing how much warmer the house stays now that I have the heating on for longer in the evening.

From the kitchen... I tried the soup that was over on Gina's blog and it was lovely. Very unusual flavouring with the zest and juice of two large oranges, but it smelt fantastic and tasted even better. A winner! I'm also a recent convert to the Dairy cookbooks. I don't think I've ever cooked so much from a cookery book as from Around Britain, and only one recipe so far has disappointed. A few months ago I bought Hearty and Healthy, which I'm now busy trying out.

I am wearing... yes, lots of layers again. Sitting still all day doesn't do your comfort any good!

I am creating... N's hat. I was struggling - the pattern calls for purling in the round, which I'd never done before (well, apart from ribbing). I found it hard on the hands, the needles were awkward to hold and the last stitch on every needle caused a ladder. So last night I ripped back and decided to cheat and just knit in the round and turn the hat inside out at the point where the decreases start. But, a couple of days ago my wrist developed a dull ache. Which got worse yesterday. I suspect it's the knitting, and deep down I know it'd be best if I didn't knit for a few days. But I have wool ordered for Susie's Reading Mitts for I., and I want to knit a hat and fingerless gloves for myself. Not sure if I'm going to be self-disciplined enough to not knit, specially since discovering 20 minutes of crafting every day!

I am going... to have a first at work tomorrow: I'll need to do an interview with a potential new member of our team. Despite having 15 years of experience as a translator, I've never interviewed anyone. Fortunately, I won't be alone, as my boss will be there too and she interviews on a daily basis.

I am reading... not that much. I don't know why but I can sleep for hours at the moment. By 10pm I can't wait to be in bed, and sometimes I'm so tired that I can't even be bothered to have my hot drink. And when the alarm goes off at 6.45 am, I think 'surely that's too early'. At the weekend, I slept straight through till 8.40 am, which is unheard of for me. Does this have anything to do with turning 40 I wonder...? ;-)

I am hoping... that the wool that I ordered for I's gloves will arrive soon. And that my wrist stops hurting soon too.

I am hearing... You and Yours on Radio 4, a programme about consumer rights.

Around the house... are lots of discarded tealights. N. feels very grown-up that occasionally I'll let him light some candles (with me nearby!). He hasn't yet learnt that you can actually put the used tealights in the bin.

One of my favourite things... is going swimming once a week with the kids. We discovered that the pool where N. has his lessons, has casual swimming for a couple of hours after we've done the weekly shop. We now go every week, we muck about for half an hour, they go down the slide 15 times or so while I do a few lengths, we go home listening to The Archers and then we have pizza as it's too late to cook anything. Simple pleasures but so enjoyable.

A few plans for the rest of the week... meeting up with a retired colleague and good friend whose daughter will be giving a concert in Cambridge in March (well worth attending if you're local!), my couple of days in the office, and a weekend without kids but hopefully sleep and plenty of time to knit.

A picture for thought I'm sharing...

The view from my front door early one morning last week. We did have a bit of sunshine then!

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2011-01-18T12:03:00.004Z

For Tuesday 18 January

Outside my window... it's very sunny. We had rain. And more rain. And more rain overnight. Normally you can't hear it in my house when it's raining, but last night it rained so hard, it woke all three of us up. Now the skies have cleared and after some early morning mist, it is now a beautifully clear winter's day.

I am thinking... that a hot bath before bed would be nice.

I am thankful for... hot water bottles...

From the kitchen... soup, lots of soup! Tried slow cooked root vegetable soup yesterday, which was a bit disappointing. For supper tonight is sweet potato and tomato soup, and just now I found lentil, ginger and orange soup over on Gina's blog, which is on the menu for next week. At least my freezer is getting well stocked, and having soup in my freezer means I don't have to eat ready-meals on days that I'm too busy or tired to cook.

I am wearing... still lots of layers - still no oil. Yesterday I got all excited when I spotted an oil delivery tanker across the road, it sat there for an hour and then disappeared! Argh! The weather's been a bit warmer recently so I managed to get away with switching the heating off, but now it's cold again. I'm looking forward to my days in the office where it is sometimes so warm, you can just wear a short-sleeved t-shirt!

I am creating... just about to cast on for N's hat. My dishcloth is finished and will go in the mail today. And then I. surprised (and delighted) me by asking if I'd knit her some fingerless gloves. I'd like to make a hat and gloves for myself too before we go to Lyme Regis next month.

I am going... to sit down on the sofa in a minute and treat myself to an hour of knitting, even though I should be clearing up the kitchen and folding a mountain of laundry.

I am reading... several things at the moment, thanks to our library visit last week. A portrait of Britain by David Dimbleby, Make do and Mend, a cookbook with recipes from Sicily and a book about ecological architecture (lovely photos!).

I am hoping... that by the time I write my next Daybook, I'll be sitting in a toasty warm house!

I am hearing... birds singing in the garden. I think they can feel Spring is coming.

Around the house... it desperately needs hoovering. The Christmas tree dropped soooo many needles and although I hoovered straight after we cleared everything away, we keep trampling them around the house.

One of my favourite things... is the Lyme Regis webcam. Every year in February my dad, the kids and I spend a week in Lyme Regis. I already knew Lyme Regis but went with dad and the kids for the first time when N. was not even 2 - we have a photo of him eating a chocolate icecream and sitting in his push-chair completely covered in brown icecream... We have had several holiday cottages by now but the one we have at the moment is by far our favourite - right at the top of the hill, but still only a couple of minutes' walk to the beach. Every year we do much the same things, but every year at the end of the week we ask each other if we want to go again and every year everybody says yes. The Marine Theatre webcam is pretty special in that it streams a live view. It's just missing the sounds of the seagulls and the smell of the sea!

A few plans for the rest of the week... again nothing out of the ordinary - N. finally doesn't have afterschool activities on Wednesdays so tomorrow we'll have a quiet afternoon at home, and this weekend it's our Saturday together, which I'm very much looking forward to.

A picture for thought I'm sharing...

We went to Aldeburgh last weekend as B. had to do a site visit nearby. We both knew about the scallop sculpture by Maggi Hambling and went to see it out of curiosity more than anything else. But it's lovely, it sits very well in its surroundings, the material is beautiful - we both liked it very much.

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2011-01-11T14:40:00.003Z

It's been a while since my last Daybook, but I just haven't had the time to sit down and really think about it. Things are slowly returning to normal now - kids back at school, me back at work, normal routine really. So here goes!

For Tuesday 11 January

Outside my window... it's looking gloomy. Not quite getting dark yet, as the afternoons are beginning to lengthen a tiny bit - started to notice it this weekend. But it's been wet and windy, everything's muddy. We've lost the dark days before Christmas, but there is no real hint of Spring yet. Gloomy.

I am thinking... that I want to get started on my daily weather photo again. I started this over a year ago and kept it up for about 2 months and really enjoyed it. Like so many photographic projects, I forgot one day, then another, and before you know it, you've stopped altogether. But I may just go and pick up I. from the bus stop in a bit to take an afternoon photo.

I am thankful for... B. helping me clear up bits of the garden, which has been terribly overgrown and frankly, a mess, for a long time. I manage to keep the house tidy, feed the kids, make sure we have clean laundry, that sort of thing, but anything on the outside just feels daunting. It's just so much easier when someone else helps.

From the kitchen... are lots of homecooked meals again. I went back to WeightWatchers on Thursday and although the Christmas damage wasn't nearly as bad as I expected, there is still a little that needs to come off again. Besides, I had been eating badly since the beginning of December, possibly earlier even, and not exercising, and we just went from one cold and flu to the next during the holidays. So, today I had chorizo and tomato soup from the slow cooker (unfortunately with a bit more than a hint of cayenne pepper, so it was a touch on the spicy side!) and tonight we're having pasta marinara.

I am wearing... lots and lots of layers. I am low on heating oil and although I've ordered a full tank, it could take the oil company till 3 February to deliver. They're normally faster than they say, but in the meantime I'm being quite economical with the heating, not having it on when the kids aren't here. It also means that the house is never really very warm (and it's such a hard house to heat as it is), we only just take the edge off the cold. The kids are quite resilient, N. doesn't really feel the cold much and I. just goes around in lots of layers. At the moment I'm wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt, a tunic, a thin ski fleece, a very thick woollen sweater and my green bodywarmer. You sit still all day, you get cold!

I am creating... another dishcloth for my swap, a crochet one this time. Plus a little present for my baby cousin-several-times-removed who has her 1st birthday next month, but not sure if anybody on that side of the family reads my blog, so better not say too much! Have just ordered some wool to knit a new hat for N., and ordered enough to make him some gloves and possibly a scarf.

I am going... to make a pot of tea in 20 minutes, so I. and I can have a catch-up when she comes home from school.

I am reading... nothing much at the moment. I was reading Stephen Fry's autobiography which I got given as a birthday present, but am struggling with it. Some bits are very good, some bits are incomprehensible, some bits are just plain weird. I like Stephen Fry and think that if I finish his book, I may not like him as much. So I'll probably give up.

I am hoping... that the sun will reappear some time soon.

I am hearing... Radio 4, but not even sure what's on at the moment!

Around the house... all the Christmas stuff has gone. The tree was dropping needles very very badly, causing me to wonder if I should get a fake one next year (and I really, really don't like fake Christmas trees). I think I've got over that now - we have far too many Christmas decorations to fit in a fake tree. I'm missing all the little decorations though, the stars, the trees, but it does look tidier in here and a bit more spacious.

One of my favourite things... is watching the birds in my apple tree. I have hung up lots of fat balls and nets with seeds, and it is a constant coming and going. They even seem to queue in order to feed. I could watch them for hours.

A few plans for the rest of the week... nothing out of the ordinary - we have our regular library visit tomorrow, I'm going to the office later this week, back to WeightWatchers on Thursday, and a child-free weekend (which I don't really enjoy).

A picture for thought I'm sharing...

This is I. with her baby cousin, who is one of the smiliest babies I've ever seen. In another few years, those two are going to be trouble.

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

Nanna 1917-2010

2011-01-06T17:37:00.007Z

To Nanna

We first met over 20 years ago, when I was 19. I had just met J. and it was clear to me very quickly that he was very close to his grandparents and to his aunt, uncle and two cousins who lived close by. From the very first time we met, you and Grandad always made me feel so welcome. I had lost all my grandparents by the time I was 12 and suddenly it felt like I had a whole new set of grandparents. We used to go and see you very often, you'd make us fantastic meals and always bake cakes - I have yet to meet someone who makes a chocolate cake as good as yours was.
I always liked to think that even if we had met purely by coincidence, we would have got on just as well. Grandad was always there quietly in the background, but you and I would chat for hours like women can. A 50 year age difference didn't seem to matter at all.
Sadly Grandad and you couldn't make it to our wedding as Grandad was very ill by that stage and 6 weeks after we got married, he passed away. I'll never forget how guilty you felt when he was moved to a hospice as you couldn't look after him anymore.
By the time I. came along, you were living with your friend in the house you'd spent so many years in, and you were both obviously very proud of this new little person - your first great grandchild. She would toddle in the garden, in the sunshine, building memories of that happy place the same way as I had done.
Then slowly but surely it became obvious you were getting older. You found it more difficult to prepare a whole lunch for us if we came down for the day, so we started bringing picnic food. We made sure not to stay too long in order not to tire you out. But you still enjoyed having a chat and a cup of tea, and always, always there was that tin of biscuits and you'd tell us 'just have another one, just one more'.
When J. and I split up, I was worried that it would mean the end of my relationship with you too. But despite everything that happened in those months, you never judged me, you were still pleased to hear from me, you were very supportive. For reasons I'll never know or understand, J. decided he didn't want to be in touch with you anymore, but I felt that I. and N. were your great-grandchildren and you had a right to see them, and besides, I missed seeing you too, so I started visiting you on my own, with the children.
Not long after that, it was obvious you would be more comfortable in a retirement home, with more help nearby. It was very odd visiting you the first time, in a different place but with all your familiar belongings. We discovered that friends of ours lived a few streets away from you, which meant we could stay with them and just pop in to see you, without wearing you out. And every time we left you, I would wish you lived nearer and that we could see you more often. But every time we left you, you were always so well that I never even considered it could be the last time we saw you.
Last month I received a phonecall from your daughter saying that you seemed confused and that she and her husband were travelling up from Cornwall to see how you were. The following day your son-in-law rang me to say things weren't looking good, you had stopped eating and drinking and were in bed. And I knew then that we wouldn't see you again. You passed away that same night.

Nanna, I wish we had seen more of you the last few years. I think probably everybody thinks that when a loved one dies, but it hurts nonetheless. There is so much I still wanted to talk to you about - big things, little things. It still feels odd to think that when we travel down to see our friends, we will not go to the retirement home to see you. I will miss you, more than you'd ever think. But I am so glad that you were part of my life. You were a very special lady, and I am glad we knew each other.

Bye bye Nanna xxx

And another one

2010-12-23T14:30:00.002Z

They're slightly addictive!

Just a quick one

2010-12-22T13:02:00.003Z

It's been a bit busy here since I last posted. Unexpected visit from dad as I came down with a bad bout of flu, visit from mum for my 40th birthday (hence the cards on the mantelpiece!), lots of snow, work, trying to get ready for Christmas and now two children at home too (but am I enjoying having them here!).
In between the madness there is lots of crafting going on, including this garland with christmassy stars. Free pattern can be found here.
Back to work, the stollen that is busy proving in the kitchen and the mulled wine that still needs to be made! Merry Christmas!

Life's complicated

2010-12-06T09:20:00.004Z

Love the mug... Sinterklaas present from my mum. We did Sinterklaas last night/this morning, but I was feeling so lousy (ibuprofen not kicked in yet this morning) that I didn't get any photos, apart from this one which now has tea with honey in it - one of the few things I enjoy at the moment. I know I'm properly ill when I lose my appetite...

PS the little cat comes out of a series of children's books that most Dutch children grow up with: Jip and Janneke. The drawings are instantly recognisable and the cat gets used as a toy in quite a number of stories.

Green

2010-12-05T11:50:00.002Z

Thanks for all the well wishes - she had a more 'permanent' cast put on on Friday, which needs to stay on till Christmas Eve. No sling this time, so she should have a bit more freedom of movement. This time she chose green, as it was almost neon green, she said! She seems quite cheerful, a bit frustrated if anything that she can't do that much.
Unfortunately I seem to have picked up a throat bug in the hospital (or I suspect that's where it's come from), and I'm feeling really run down. And too much to do this week :-( really haven't got time to be ill.

Back to the sofa...

The joys of snow

2010-12-02T15:29:00.003Z

That tangle of hair is my 11 year old, who managed yesterday to slip and fall on the one icy patch left at school... and fracturing her wrist in the process. As she came home in tears with pain and it was the arm that she broke three years ago too, we went off to A&E. Three hours later and we were home with the by now familiar plastercast. Fortunately it's not a serious fracture, the cast doesn't go all the way around and can come off in two weeks' time, all being well. She was home today for a bit of recuperation, she's quite cheerful about it all (told me she was going for pink this time if they replace her cast tomorrow with a new one, and thinks she might work her way through the colours of the rainbow), and had a good laugh that even the new sling we put on, was the one from last time!

This came in the post today, my dishcloth from Kellie on Ravelry. Really happy with it - it's such a fun swap and a lovely group to be part of! If you're reading this Kellie: thank you very much!

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-11-30T18:21:00.005Z

I was going to make this a catch-up post but I like my Daybooks too and as I haven't done one for a few weeks, I think I'll try and combine the two this week.

For Tuesday 30 November

Outside my window... the curtains are drawn as I'm writing this in the evening, but if I opened them, I'd see snow. We've had snow since Sunday evening, not enough to disrupt our lives (although the media would have you believe otherwise), but still enough to make it look pretty.

I am thinking... that we had an adventurous weekend. B. bought himself another tractor back in the summer. Only it was on Ebay in America... It's taken till last weekend for us to be able to collect it, as it had to be taken from Iowa to a port in New York, then came over on a container ship to Kent, and then it had to clear customs. We set out very early on Sunday morning with the lorry (with a short delay as the lorry had a puncture - ever tried to change a lorry wheel in the dark on a very slippery driveway covered in snow and ice?) and a few hours later this was B's new toy:
It's 55 years old, it has a few dents but nothing that you wouldn't expect from a vintage working tractor! and we're now debating which one to take to Wales next year for the National Vintage Tractor Road Run...

I am thankful for... the kids.

At 11 and 8 they're becoming better company all the time. We had a lovely time in Holland, it was great having three days with all the time in the world just to be with them and enjoy them without the distractions of everyday life. In a way I don't want them to get older, but on the other hand, I can't wait to see what they're like as they get older.

From the kitchen...have been rubbish meals lately. I really must start paying a bit more attention to my diet, as I'm eating anything and everything in sight. WeightWatchers have introduced a new system but I haven't dared to go back to the meetings as I know I'm way over my goal. I have cooked some lovely meals at the weekend though, as very often it's just B. and me and we enjoy a good meal on Saturday night while watching the X Factor and Strictly Come Dancing.

I am wearing... lycra trousers, a stretch tshirt and a pink fleece top. Soon to be changed for flannel pjs and furry slipper boots, as it's cold here! I'm having a relaxing evening by myself and nothing feels more relaxing than putting on my pjs. Have to finish this post first though and quickly clear the kitchen before I let myself get changed!

I am creating... a little present for a Secret Santa I'm taking part in at work - but can't say too much as I'm not sure if anybody from work reads my blog! Also really into dishcloths. I take part in a monthly dishcloth swap over on Ravelry, and last month this is what I got:

I know it may sound silly, but it's such a joy to wipe my surfaces with something that looks so different from what you'd buy in the shops! I also finished my Scroll Lace Scarf but haven't done any photos yet, but that's been in constant use since it finished blocking at the weekend.

I am going... have a long, hot bath this evening. I rarely have baths as they take much longer than a shower, but when it's cold, nothing beats a long soak and then straight to bed.

I am reading... Delia's Christmas book that I got for my birthday from the girls at work last year. I made her Christmas pudding last year which was declared the 'best ever' by several people. I have been looking at the mincemeat recipe too, as I love mincepies.

I am hoping... for a fairly quiet weekend. Have no real plans apart from making some more dishcloths, finishing off my present for my work Secret Santa, hopefully some fresh air exercise as nothing, nothing beats running outside...

I am hearing... the adverts on Channel 5 - I just finished watching EastEnders and was flicking channels on the telly and landed on Channel 5 about seaside rescues.

Around the house... I have been doing more cleaning than usual. My laptop went wrong last week and I had I. off school for a few days, which meant I couldn't do much work. So I used my time productively and there are several places in the house which make me go 'oooh it's clean in here!' That doesn't normally happen very often ;-)

One of my favourite things... is closing the curtains as it gets dark, lighting candles, lighting the fire and snuggling up on the sofa. I don't think I could ever choose a favourite season - even when it's dark and gloomy and wet outside, it's still cosy.

A few plans for the rest of the week... library visit tomorrow afternoon, with possibly a stop at Costa's if we have enough time... work at the office towards the end of the week... and lots of sleep at the weekend!

A picture for thought I'm sharing...

Last Saturday morning, photo to show the kids that we had snow in Norfolk (at the time, we didn't have any in Suffolk yet).

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-11-09T09:34:00.004Z

For Tuesday 9 November 2010

Outside my window... the trees have lost most of their leaves. A week ago we still had glorious autumn colours, now we have lots of bare trees. It looks very different outside all of a sudden, just these dark skeletons against a grey sky.

I am thinking... that I really ought to start my little list of things to take to Holland this coming weekend. And that I should get my packing done tomorrow evening.

I am thankful for... the big pile of wood that B. and I cut and stacked a few months ago. I had the woodburner lit all afternoon yesterday and it was cosy and warm when the kids came in from school.

From the kitchen... pasta salad at lunchtime, that is, if I feel like it - I may just hunt around in the freezer for a soup as it's quite cold here and I'm constantly craving warm food. Supper is those butternut squashes with ricotta again.

I am wearing... jeans, short sleeved blue tshirt and very thick pink fleece. It came from Land's End almost 2 years ago, is extremely warm and comfy, as it's lined, and is standing up very well to being worn a lot.

I am creating... several fingerstaches still. I have made two for work colleagues, and 4 for I.'s friends at school. I'm getting a tiny bit bored with them, even if they're quick. It's also interfering with me finishing my Scroll Lace Scarf. I did the last lace repeat last night but have to unpick it as I made a mistake. I was hoping to have it finished by the end of this week but that doesn't look possible anymore - I still have to pick up over 200 stitches along the edge and knit the main body. Not sure what to take with me as knitting project in Holland either - I'll have a couple of train journeys in Holland but will be with dad and the kids, so it'll need to be something that doesn't require too much concentration.

I am going... to Holland this weekend and am really excited - can you tell...? We were last there back in August, as part of our summer holidays. The time before that was in April, and it took me a long time before I felt the urge to go again, but now it's well and truly bitten and the three of us can't wait. It doesn't help that there are two brand new ferries which we haven't been on yet, I'd be excited about that if I went just on my own, but because the kids are excited too, it's even more of an event. And we're not even doing anything unusual, we have a bit of a routine when we go there, but we're all very much looking forward to that. Hema, here we come!

I am reading... Wuthering Heights. I wanted to borrow Jane Eyre from the library but couldn't remember the title when I was actually there! (having a senior moment I think...) It's not a book for easy reading, but to my surprise I'm really enjoying it - the language is beautiful and as I've never read it and only vaguely know the storyline, I do want to know what's going to happen next.

I am hoping... that it's not going to be too windy on Thursday night - we have had strong winds and gales since the weekend.

I am hearing... Woman's Hour about dentures. That really is background noise and not a topic I'd choose to listen to!

Around the house... it desperately needs a hoover. Hoping I. will do it as she's trying to earn some pocket money, and I really don't know when I'll get around to it before we go.

One of my favourite things... is my slow cooker. I'm sure I've said it before! B. bought it for me for Christmas last year and although I don't use it much over the summer, it gets used at least twice a week during the winter. Yesterday we had rice pudding from it, and tomorrow evening we'll have beef stew with pasta and olives. Handy as I have to go to parents' evening for N. at 5.30pm, so when I come home, we can eat straightaway.

A few plans for the rest of the week... weekly shop which got 'cancelled' yesterday as the weather was so atrocious that we stayed inside in the warmth, off to Starbucks on Thursday to have a coffee to celebrate a colleague's birthday, a WeightWatchers meeting which I have to attend as they have completely revamped the system and it's not quite the same as I'm used to. I think this week will fly by!

A picture for thought I'm sharing...

One of B's cats who was quite ill this weekend. He'd been bitten on his back paw and it'd turned into an abcess. I knew he wasn't right when he kept sleeping in front of the Aga. One emergency dash to the vet's on Sunday and he's now firmly on the mend, but still enjoys the fuss being made of him.

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-11-02T09:30:00.003Z

For Tuesday 2 November 2010

Outside my window... is wind, rain, leaves flying about. When I work from home, I use different places to work from. Sometimes I'm at my desk under the stairs. Sometimes I use the comfy chair in the front room. Sometimes I use our dining table in the conservatory - which is where I am now. I can only work there if it's not too sunny and it can't be too cold either, as it's the coldest room in the house. But at the moment it's enjoyable.

I am thinking... that I want the washing machine to finish so I can go and make the first coffee of the day.

I am thankful for... having an afternoon coming up with no afterschool activity. Tuesdays are manic and chaotic. Today's football club hasn't started yet, which means both kids will be home normal time and we can have a cup of tea and a chat before they go to see J.
Also thankful for the people who have listened to me endlessly wittering on about something that's going around in my head at the moment. You know who you are!

From the kitchen... egg salad bagel for lunch, and tonight is chilli fried rice with chicken.

I am wearing... jeans, black long sleeved tshirt and soft long grey cardigan. Could really do with another layer.

I am creating... still Ysolda's Scroll Lace Scarf. The lace pattern needs to be repeated 28 times, I think I've done 21 so far. I knitted for 2 hours on the train to London last Friday, but it is also a very quick repeat, so you can fit one in if you have a few minutes. I'd like to finish it by the time we go to Holland (in 10 days), but not sure I can make it.
As a joke, I also knitted this....

At I's school, some of the male teachers are growing a moustache to raise money for a prostate cancer charity. One of her teachers is very young and had joked in class that he didn't need to shave very often yet. So I knitted him one instead. Of course I. liked it so much that she wanted one of her own. I'm secretly hoping that her friends will want one too, I've said I'll knit some more for 50 p to go to the same charity.

I am going... to finish writing this post and pour my coffee!

I am reading... still nothing much. I've been leafing through a Dutch supermarket magazine but have really read it from cover to cover and back again. Time for a change. Library tomorrow.

I am hoping... that this week will end on a positive note.

I am hearing... the 10 am news on Radio 4, with constant references to the elections in America.

Around the house... it got messy within about 5 minutes of the children arriving back on Sunday!

One of my favourite things... is stews at the moment. Every Saturday night I make a stew for B. and I for supper. Last week it was a Dutch beef stew, which was very good. This weekend it's going to be pork with red cabbage.

A few plans for the rest of the week... nothing out of the ordinary - work, kids, library, kids on Saturday (my favourite time of the weekend).

A picture for thought I'm sharing...

Cathedral in Bury St. Edmunds. The spire is brand new and you can see it from lots of places as you drive around town. I always like the way it looks in the sunshine.

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-10-27T13:05:00.004+01:00

For Wednesday 27 October 2010

A day late this week but the kids have been on half term so it's all been quite busy around here.

Outside my window... is a little bit of watery sunshine trying to get through. We're having very autumnal weather at the moment. Last night when I drove to Cambridge, it was lashing down with rain and there were leaves flying about everywhere. It would have been perfect for a walk on the beach.

I am thinking... that I must get to the kitchen to start my applecake.

I am thankful for... the last few days I've had with the kids. We had a really busy time trying to fit in as much as possible, but we had a really good time. They're now away with J. to see their grandmother on the Isle of Wight and I won't see them till Sunday afternoon. It's not long, I've got plenty of things to do and I won't be bored, but sometimes I wish I didn't have to share them!

From the kitchen... roasted butternut squash with ricotta, and if I get time, a Dutch applecake for tonight's knitting meeting.

I am wearing... jeans, thick pink fleece and green bodywarmer. Yes, that bodywarmer again!

I am creating... Ysolda's Scroll Lace Scarf. Very easy to memorise lace pattern and very much enjoying it. Once that's done, another dishcloth, then p/hop's Cranford Mitts and then I'm on to that gorgeous baby blanket.

I am going... to enjoy the clocks going back this weekend and have a lie-in on Sunday with our free extra hour.

I am reading... nothing at all at the moment. Have been falling into bed and going to sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow (I only read in bed).

I am hoping... that I can squeeze in a run before it gets dark this afternoon. I tentatively started running again last week now that I think my anaemia is a thing of the past and had forgotten how nice it is to exercise outside in the fresh air.

I am hearing... the rush hour traffic slowly building up on the road outside my house.

Around the house... it is very quiet, a bit cold and a bit empty. Over the years I have got used to being home alone sometimes and I do enjoy it, but during the day I'm so used to the children coming home at 4 pm that it feels empty when they don't.

One of my favourite things... is a top I bought in a charity shop a few weeks ago. I used to feel a bit uncomfortable in charity shops, wondering what had happened to the people who the items had belonged to. But I read so often of people finding lovely things, so the other day we went in and I found a lovely cotton top. Since then, we've been more often and I found a large cafetiere for £2.50, which is going to work (we love coffee at work).

A few plans for the rest of the week... knitting evening tonight - I only get to go once every few months - work tomorrow - attending the recording of a Radio 4 comedy show in London on Friday evening.

A picture for thought I'm sharing...

I took this photo on Saturday when we were in the park. I was hoping for a sunny or at least dry day. When we got to the park, it started to rain quite heavily. We were quite sheltered where we were and this puddle was at my feet. It was changeable weather and I liked the reflections in the water as the sun came out again.
The park was deserted, we had an icecream but then headed home to the warmth and a cup of tea!

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-10-19T12:49:00.003+01:00

For Tuesday 19 October 2010

Outside my window... is very changeable weather. Beautiful blue skies this morning, heavy rain half an hour ago causing a quick sprint to the washing line, and now the sun's out again.

I am thinking... that it would have been nice if I'd actually get to spend a bit more time with the children next week when they're off school (they're away from Tuesday evening to Sunday afternoon).

I am thankful for... having come back home safely last weekend - we did lots of driving in the lorry to pick up a few items from Ebay.

From the kitchen... another soup from the slow cooker, but not such a hit: squash, carrot and red pepper. It sounded appealing enough but turned out be very watery and flavourless. Added a good squirt of Lee and Perrins but even that's not helping. And this was only the first of 6 portions...

I am wearing... jeans, short sleeved t-shirt, grey cable cardigan and green bodywarmer. It's almost like a uniform - I wear this all the time when I'm sitting still and working, and get cold very easily.

I am creating... Still knitting my Ishbel. She's growing nicely, hoping to finish it next week before I. goes back to school. Have made a dishcloth for a swap over at Ravelry and that's gone in the post, but have signed up for next month's swap too and looking forward to making another one. Not to mention the ones I'll get in the post in return! I'd really like to knit the Cranford Mitts from P/hop, but also itching to cast on Brooklyn Tweed's Shale Baby Blanket. How could anyone not like that? Isn't it gorgeous?

I am going... to try and be a bit stronger and just enjoy the time I have with the kids, instead of feeling sorry for myself that I always have to share them. We have good times together, that is all that matters.

I am reading... bits and pieces from the Sunday Times from last weekend.

I am hoping... that next week goes fast.

I am hearing... a programme about a female singer in her seventies - not my taste, and I keep wanting to mute the radio when they play snippets of her songs.

Around the house... it desperately needs hoovering! Sometimes I wish I had double the hours in a day in order to get everything done.

One of my favourite things... is having a cup of tea with the children when they come home from school. We used to have it in front of the telly, but a few months ago we changed that and now we sit at our kitchen table, with placemats and a milk jug and nicely arranged biscuits. It's such a nice time of the day.

A few plans for the rest of the week... library tomorrow - that is always a push on Wednesdays as N. has golf till 4.15 - work from the office later on in the week - just a normal ordinary week really.

A picture for thought I'm sharing...

We stayed here last weekend - a very nice hotel in the south of Yorkshire. Originally we were going to go to Yorkshire in one day, but I thought it'd be nice to make it a weekend, and it was definitely worth it - we had a lovely meal in their restaurant too, probably the best meal I've ever eaten out.

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-10-05T10:10:00.004+01:00

For Tuesday October 5th

It has been a while since I did the Simple Woman's Daybook. Looking back, I can see I stopped at the beginning of the summer holidays, when life got busier with the children being home. They've now been back at school a few weeks and I'm slowly settling back into a routine. Not quite there yet - there are countless days when I fall into bed in the evening thinking 'I've not done anything just for me', and so the blog gets a bit neglected. But I do miss it, so I'm going to try and fit it in a bit more often again.

Outside my window... are lots of leaves flying about. It's been wet and windy here for a few days and it's truly Autumn. I don't mind the dark days, it's cosy to light some candles and draw the curtains, but I'm also hoping we'll soon have one of those sunny days you sometimes get in October - we haven't seen the sun for days.

I am thinking... that maybe I need an evening on my own. I've been feeling a bit grumpy the last few days, feeling a bit resentful that there are so many things I want to do and don't get round to. Maybe an evening alone will help.

I am thankful for... I always find this one so hard, it's so difficult to find something that doesn't sound like a cliche. A while back, I started writing a list of things that made me happy every day. That works really well to help focus on what is important and get things into perspective. Okay, I am thankful for the cosmos that keeps flowering in my garden despite the lashings of rain and especially, despite the neglect!

From the kitchen... golden harvest soup in my slow cooker, which came out again a few weeks ago. This is butternut squash, sweet potatoes, onions and lentils, and smells lovely. It's meant for supper but I might not last that long and have it for lunch instead!

I am wearing... jeans, long sleeved tshirt, grey cable cardigan and green bodywarmer. Not exactly the height of fashion but it's warm!

I am creating... so many things... I'm knitting an Ishbel for 11 year old I., who chose and bought her own wintercoat a while back and keeps pinching my Ishbel. I must put buttons on a cushion cover I made, I am making a blanket for our old VW camper, and I've just started on Cerisara, but am not happy with the needle size and need to go one size down, but those needles are in use for Ishbel. And I signed up for a dishcloth swap and have to knit one this month to send to the US. And this weekend I traced the pattern pieces for a denim skirt.

I am going... to Holland with the kids in a few weeks time and I can't wait.

I am reading... Yesterday morning: a very English childhood by Diana Athill. My boss recommended her books and I'm really enjoying it. She's very observant and it's beautifully written.

I am hoping... for a bit of sunshine on Saturday so we can spend some time in the park.

I am hearing... the news on Radio 4 which is on as background 'noise'.

Around the house... needs a bit of a clean. I think that might be this Saturday's job and might also involve the children.

One of my favourite things... is the new cushion cover I crocheted and that caused I. to say 'mamma it looks like you bought it in a shop'. Awww.

(it needs buttons still to finish it off)

A few plans for the rest of the week... having a half day off work tomorrow to meet up with a friend for a coffee, couple of days in the office, my Saturday with the kids this weekend and hopefully, fingers crossed, having a new oil tank installed on Sunday...

A picture for thought I'm sharing...

One of my favourite spots in the park. We often spend an hour or so here on Saturdays, it's a little out the way of the main thoroughfare but you can still watch the world go by. It's also near the icecream/coffee kiosk, always handy! It won't be long though before it gets too cold to spend long here and the kiosk will shut for the winter season.

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

Precious Saturdays

2010-09-26T22:00:00.005+01:00

And on those days, I wish time would stand still.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-07-20T12:31:00.003+01:00

For Tuesday 20 July

Outside my window... I keep seeing little butterflies fluttering past. Apparently this is a good year for butterflies which is why we're seeing so many of them.

I am thinking... that it is only 3 more days till the summer holidays!

I am thankful for... the children not moaning too much when I ask them to help out from time to time. N. will occasionally object and say 'why do we have to do that?' but on the whole they're both pretty good, and it makes life a lot easier.

From the kitchen... summer soup with courgettes, beans, peas and pesto, with homemade salmon pate on crackers.

I am wearing... a turquoise outfit which caused I. to say this morning 'that colour suits you'. Awwww. I love my 11 year old.

I am creating... madly knitting on a little shrug for a party on Saturday. Not sure I'll finish it on time! N. is being picked up from school this afternoon so that saves me a trip and gives me some extra time. I'm on the second sleeve, but once that's done it needs quite a bit of ribbing still. Deadline knitting!

I am going... to go for a run tonight despite having been tortured by the Mel B bum and leg exercises last night.

I am reading... Comfort Food which is from the same author as The Friday Night Knitting Club. Nowhere near as good - the whole concept is much the same but it's a bit like a film sequel - I always feel the first one is best and you should leave it at that. I'm a couple of chapters away from the end and feel no urge to finish it.

I am hoping... that I get my shrug finished on time. That the linen trousers that I ordered from Ebay, arrive on time. That we get some nice weather while the kids are on holidays.

I am hearing.... The World at One on Radio 4.

Around the house... are little bunches of flowers from the garden. There is still so much work to be done in the garden, but there are enough plants now for me to pick the odd little bunch to dot around the house.

One of my favourite things... are the colours of the nasturtium flowers. I was expecting orange. Instead, I got about 4 or 5 different shades of orange. And countless flowers.

A few plans for the rest of the week... buying a few birthday presents, wrapping paper, cards, knitting, lots of knitting!

A picture for thought I am sharing....

Not sure it counts as a picture for thought but a favourite picture nonetheless. This was a couple of weeks ago on the ladies tractor road run I took part in to raise money for Cancer Research UK. It was such a lovely day and I managed to raise more than I had hoped (and the page is still open for donations until the end of July!)

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

Not very good for the waistline

2010-07-07T19:59:00.001+01:00

but oh so yummy... (and food wise it's been a pretty bad week anyway!)

Aestlight

2010-06-27T10:12:00.002+01:00

Just a quick one - mum's over and I don't get much computer time - but wanted to show the photos of her wearing Aestlight - pleased I made the effort to get it finished on time and she's so happy with it!

I did it!

2010-06-18T07:32:00.002+01:00

I went to weigh-in last night, not really wanting to go, as you sometimes don't when you've not had a good week. Imagine my surprise when I found I'd lost 3 lbs!

I lost 2.5 stone with WeightWatchers 6 years ago. I've followed their system on and off since then. It just works, it's sensible eating with the emphasis on increasing the amount of fruit and vegetables you eat, as well as eating more 'filling foods' as they call them (wholemeal). No food is forbidden, they don't rule out certain food groups. They have loads of recipes - in magazines, in books, on the internet. I remember thinking after a few weeks that I had never eaten so well, and when I follow the system properly, I still think that. When I keep track of what I eat, I regularly end up with having eaten 7 or 8 pieces of fruit and veg.
Last summer I thought I was a stone over where I should be, and hadn't been to weigh-in for a long time. So I plucked up the courage and went back, only to find that I was only 4 lbs over my goal weight (the scales at home were very inaccurate and I've not used them since). But because you have to have at least 5 lbs to lose, I had to lower my goal weight a bit in order to be allowed to join.
Next followed a year of yoyo-ing. I'd get close, then something would happen and I'd put several pounds back on again. But a few weeks ago I got fed up with having to pay (you stop paying when you reach goal), I'd gone almost a stone over where I should be, and we have a party in July where I want to wear a rather slinky dress, and as said previously, I can use the money I save to help pay for some riding lessons for I. It suddenly seemed enough incentive and I found my motivation back.
B. took a few photos of me last weekend and one of them frightened me a bit - I was almost beginning to look too thin. So when I was weighed yesterday and found that I was back at my original goal weight, I had a word with my leader and said I didn't want to lose anymore. So she went off and came back with a gold envelope, meaning I'm at goal....
I'm very very pleased, I feel just right with this weight, I look at myself and don't think 'I could do with losing a bit here or there'.
Now the hard work starts though: maintenance. And often that is actually harder than losing the weight in the first place! At the moment I'm feeling very determined...

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-06-16T19:10:00.005+01:00

For Wednesday 16 June (yes it's a day late!)

Outside my window... everything is growing so fast at this time of year and as well as the plants I've planted doing well, the weeds are growing fast too. Despite having made a start on the garden this year, there is still so much to do. I take heart from the knowledge that the best gardeners spend years on perfecting their garden.

I am thinking... that I need to find a way to cope a bit better with the increase in work hours. I'm struggling a bit at the moment. Tonight we ended up eating garlic bread, pizza and banoffee dessert. For once, that's not the end of the world, but I know why it happened: I have so very little me time at the moment, that the last thing I feel like is spending an hour in the (very untidy) kitchen, and food like that feels like I'm spoiling myself. Those last 4 lbs aren't shifting and I know exactly why. I'm also missing knitting time, just half an hour here or there, but there doesn't seem to be half an hour here or there at the moment. I'm not quite sure how to sort all this, but it does need sorting, that's for sure.

I am thankful for... a very relaxed and fun weekend last weekend with B.

From the kitchen... comes garlic bread, pizza and banoffee pie dessert ;-) O but also banana bread as I had a serious surplus of bananas.

I am wearing... trying on my hand knitted sock for size. I should be knitting something else but it requires concentration and silence, and I wanted to knit so desperately tonight that I picked up my sock while watching Three in a bed with I. tonight.

I am creating... lots of things in my mind. And not enough in real life.

I am going... to think about how create a bit more me time, to bake a lemon cake for B's sister's birthday this weekend, to send a magazine to a friend in Australia, and to practise my tractor driving skills a bit more this weekend.

I am reading... The Friday Night Knitting Club. Not high-brow literature but entertaining enough to have kept me up reading far too late. And while I was looking up the link to this book, I found there is a sequel. That will be on my list of books to borrow from the library then!

I am hoping... that things will seem a little less frantic soon.

I am hearing... the dishwasher running in the kitchen.

Around the house... is slightly tidier. I feel that at 11 and 8, the children are perfectly capable of helping out a bit more often. So tonight I. had to empty the dishwasher, N. had to get the laundry off the line and I. had to tidy up the front room. She does a very good job at tidying up, specially if it isn't her own stuff! So it does look a bit better here.

One of my favourite things... is having to got to know some people better in the last few weeks.

A few plans for the rest of the week... a day in the office, the car going to the garage to have its alarm sorted (it goes off randomly at all times of day and night. I am sure I'll get a phonecall from the neighbours soon begging me to sort it out), a day with the kids.

A picture for thought I'm sharing...

We visited some friends in Lancashire last weekend. They'd gone out for a birthday lunch and weren't back yet when we arrived, so we stopped at the village before theirs and walked down to the river. It was lovely weather, it was very quiet and peaceful down there, it had one of those little iron bridges that we both like so much, we had a paddle (and B. almost had a swim!), and we just had a lovely time together. The sort of time that you treasure the memory of.
Now if only I could squeeze everything I want to do, in the short time that is the weekend!

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-06-08T11:33:00.003+01:00

For Tuesday 8 June

Outside my window... everything looks green. We've had rain since last night, on and off, and it makes everything look very green.

I am thinking... what I'll do tonight. I'd normally go and see B. but it's been a busy few days and my body is good at telling me that I need a bit of time to unwind. Or rather, maybe I'm getting better at recognising the signs. It's taking a bit of time to find a new routine now that I'm stuck behind the computer while the children are at school, and so far I haven't found much free time. So tonight is just for me.

I am thankful for... a lovely Sunday with B. last weekend. We went to look at a lorry, then drove to the coast and went for a swim, despite it being cloudy. We warmed up with egg, chips and ham and tea and coffee at the very old-fashioned beach cafe, then drove back home. It was lovely to have some time just to enjoy each other.

From the kitchen... have recently come very decadent Nutella and peanut butter cookies, and this afternoon it's going to be ciabatta pizza for lunch.

I am wearing... socks again. With the rain, the temperature has dropped too and when you sit still all day, it's my feet that get cold first.

I am creating... not a lot at the moment. I managed to knit a few rows during N's swimming lesson on Saturday and nothing since. My new car is very solid and I noticed last Sunday I can mapread without feeling nauseous. We're travelling quite a distance this weekend, so maybe I can knit a few rows then...

I am going... to see an old friend this weekend in Lancashire and I'm really looking forward to it.

I am reading... again nothing. I crawl into bed at 10.3o pm, drink my hot chocolate drink and read a couple of pages in the WeightWatchers magazine to keep me on the straight and narrow, and then fall asleep as soon as I set my radio to go off after 30 mins.

I am hoping... that my sweet pea will flower soon. They're growing really fast but I don't think there are any flowerbuds yet. Also, that the butternut squash will produce something - one leaf has been half eaten by something or other but the plant is growing.

I am hearing... raindrops on my conservatory roof. It's a plastic roof and in the rest of the house, you can't hear if it's raining unless it's raining really hard. In the conservatory, you can hear it drizzle.

Around the house... is lots of mud from two 8 year old boys' footsteps. N. had a PD day (teachers training day) yesterday so he had a friend over to stay for the day. Obviously 8 year old boys don't think to remove their (muddy) shoes before they run upstairs to play hide and seek...

One of my favourite things... is how well the cucumber plant is doing up on the landing at B's house. It's sitting under some large windows, it's very dry and warm up there and it loves it. Long tendrils and several mini cucumbers! O and the little rag doll that I bought from M&S on Saturday - yes, she was for me ;-)

A few plans for the rest of the week... trying to raise a bit more money for my ladies' tractor road run; a visit to Lancashire; trying to carve out a bit of me time...

A picture for thought I'm sharing...

The river Rijn close to where I lived for a couple of years. This was taken back in January I believe, during a very cold spell. One of my friends is moving to a house soon that they had built. I think that maybe it's time to go to Holland again...

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

A promise

2010-06-03T20:22:00.002+01:00

Not sure that's the right word!

I have just switched WeightWatchers meetings. I used to go on Monday mornings and have really enjoyed that group, making friends along the way. But my increased hours at work meant I couldn't go to that one anymore. So I searched for another meeting and found one which I can attend after work if there are no hold-ups on the road.

I went for the first time tonight and it was a nice, small, friendly meeting. I'd lost a pound which I was pleased about (I'd lost the plot a bit over the Easter holidays and ended up having almost a stone to lose). I'm now 4.5 lbs off my goal weight. I'd already set myself a target of being at goal on 24 July, when we have a party to go to. I pay for WeightWatchers by Monthly Pass, which is cheaper than paying every week, plus you get access to lots of resources on their website. Every month, they send you a new pass, and while it doesn't cost much, if I reach goal weight, I don't need to pay again - and I'm quite looking forward to that.

So, I'm now officially declaring here that the pass I've just received in the post and that runs out on 4 July, is the last one I'll have in the post. 4.5 lbs in 4 weeks - that should be easy. By the time the next pass will be sent out, I want to be able to cancel the direct debit.
You can all email me on 4 July and hold me accountable. Please do. It will help spur me on.

(and if I do, I will cancel my gym membership too, where I've been for 6 years and still pay through the nose, despite me being a loyal member for years, and still have to pay for the kids to go swimming. And I'll use the money I'll save to get some riding lessons for I. who's come back from Wales loving horses even more than she did before. So there. You're all witness.)

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-06-02T15:03:00.003+01:00

For Wednesday 2 June

Outside my window.... the sun is shining again after a few very miserable, grey and wet days. And we've been promised nice weather all the way to the weekend.

I am thinking... is it time for my cup of tea yet? Normally the children set the rhythm of my day. N. comes home from school at 3.30 pm, followed by big sister I. at 3.50, which is my signal to stop working and get the kettle on. This week is halfterm and they're away with their father to see their grandmother on the Isle of Wight. The days take on a very different character without the children there.

I am thankful for... having been given the opportunity to increase my hours at work.

From the kitchen... will hopefully come a healthy carrot cake (is there such a thing as healthy cake?)

I am wearing... clothes which are slightly too warm, but the sudden rise in temperature has taken me by surprise.

I am creating... still Aestlight. The yarn for Cerisara arrived a while back and I'm itching to cast on, but mum will be coming over for a weekend at the end of the month and I'm adamant Aestlight will be finished. The increased hours at work are wreaking havoc with any knitting time though!

I am going... to the seaside on Saturday evening. B. is going to look at a lorry for the tractor and it's in Kings Lynn, which is on the Norfolk coast. If the weather is as promised, I'm hoping we'll get to go on the beach. If he's lucky, I might treat him to fish and chips!

I am reading... still nothing. I still fall in bed at 10.30 in the evening and am asleep long before my radio switches itself off.

I am hoping... that the weather is going to be warm enough for me to wear my new skirt again.

I am hearing... a financial programme on the radio. I am hearing it but not really listening to it.

Around the house... it's staying incredibly tidy without two children to mess it up again! (shame about the muddy footprints from yesterday's rainy day).

One of my favourite things... has to be my new car. It's a dream. I should have bought it years ago. The best bit is how economical it is. It's such a challenge to drive as economically as possible.

A few plans for the rest of the week... couple of days in the office, with hopefully a quick visit to Starbucks thrown in, hugs for the children on Saturday when they return, and then back to normal routine next week when they're back at school.

A picture for thought I am sharing...

One of my favourite spots in Amsterdam: the cactus greenhouse in the Hortus.

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-05-25T10:55:00.004+01:00

For Tuesday 25 May

My head is finally in the right place to do these again!

Outside my window.... I can see lots and lots of growth on my winter jasmine. My dad cut it back rather vigorously last year and it seems to have liked it, as I've never seen it this green. Hoping for lots of flowers this winter.

I am thinking... that I'm almost ready for my second coffee of the day.

I am thankful for... two things. One is gratitude that I'm feeling back to normal and that I didn't spiral into a deeper depression or break-down. Two is gratitude to my dad, without whom I would have sunk down lower. I have bought him a card for Father's Day with the text 'the older I get, the smarter my dad seems to get'. It couldn't be more true.

From the kitchen... are coming lots of home cooked meals again. I've lost the tiredness which stopped me enjoying cooking.

I am wearing... jeans, a cotton short sleeved top and my bodywarmer, as the temperature has suddenly dropped quite a bit after 3 days of sunshine.

I am creating... Aestlight for my mum. I'm about a quarter of the way done with the edging. Once that's done, I'm casting on for Cerisara

I am going... to pick up a new car in the next few days... well, new to me!

I am reading... nothing at the moment! Have just finished a book about the demise of farming in the traditional sense.

I am hoping... that I. has good weather on her trip in Wales.

I am hearing... children's telly. N. is home from school with a temperature, very little appetite and no voice. Which is all unlike him!

Around the house... things are getting tidier. I'm enjoying following some of Flylady's routines.

One of my favourite things... is the garden by far. I could spend all day there, tidying up, digging, planting, watering. The only thing I still don't enjoy is mowing the lawn. It's like hoovering. Don't enjoy that either.

A few plans for the rest of the week... I was planning to spoil N. a little bit with his big sister being away, but because he's off colour, that's been put on hold. Will try and make it to the library tomorrow. Looking forward to picking up my big girl on Friday night.

A picture for thought I'm sharing...

A lovely cloudscape from Norfolk from last weekend.

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

5 days

2010-05-24T12:16:00.005+01:00

As a parent, you bring up your children to become confident, independent beings.
This morning, I. went off with school on her 5 day pony trekking trip to Wales. She'd been looking forward to it for months and went off smiling. So I must have done alright as a parent.
So how come it feels so empty at home?
I just hope by the time she's 18 and ready to leave home, I'm as ready to let her go as she was this morning for her trip.

Resurfacing - slowly

2010-05-10T21:30:00.003+01:00

My enforced week off has done me the world of good. My dad had sent me a brochure about stress symptoms, and I recognised every single one of them, which made me feel a lot better in itself. I just couldn't understand why I couldn't pull myself together, kick myself up the backside and just get on with it. Me, who normally has boundless energy and can carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. But my body was very clear and wouldn't let me. And once I recognised that and stopped trying to fight it, I felt a lot calmer and happier. I just had a very quiet week. Kept some structure - I got the kids off to school and did some chores around the house - but made sure I had plenty of rest and scheduled lots of me-time too. And I think that is what helped me most - finally having some time for me. I have two lasting memories of my week off, and one is starting work on the garden, for the first time in years, and secondly popping to town one day (to look at the plants on the market!) and then treating myself to coffee and some knitting time on my own in the sunshine. It just felt so good to sit there and have nobody ask what was going to be for supper, if their uniform was clean yet, or how to open a file on the computer. I just enjoyed my own company and a bit of peace and quiet.
At the end of that week I came to the conclusion that I don't put myself first often enough. I think it's something we women are good at: taking care of others, making sure they're happy and looked after, and often putting our needs and wishes and desires last, thereby usually not having time for ourselves at all. And it doesn't make me happy. So from now on I'm going to put myself first more often. I'm going to try and treat myself to the odd coffee on my own, with some knitting time thrown in. And from now on, I'm going to start knitting just for me. I do enjoy knitting for others, but I'm not sure everybody always appreciates how much effort and above all love goes into it. I see so many things that I'd like to make for myself, but most of the time I have a project for somebody else on the needles. Maybe it's time to change that!

As for the garden... When I first moved here, 15 years ago, the garden was a mess. J. and I did it up together and had a lovely cottage garden that first summer. Then when the children arrived, he took over most of the work, but it was still lovely. He lost interest as our marriage started to disintegrate, and when he first left, I found it too much work to cope on my own with two small children and a garden which needed quite a bit of work by then. So I let it go, for several years. But B. bought the children a trampoline for their birthday and he predicted that if they were spending time outside, I'd get on with some gardening. During my week off I cleared the little patio area by the back door and the little circular patio at the back of the garden, and cleaned the garden furniture. Next thing I know, the children want to have their after school snacks in the garden, and supper too if at all possible, and want to help me clear things up. N. started sweeping some of the paving slabs and suddenly we could walk to the lawn without slipping on dead leaves. And that was it, no stopping us. I now have several herbs growing in pots by the back door, three pots with sweet peas, we have radishes and salad plants, I'm waiting for the nasturtiums to germinate, and this weekend we planted verbenas and stocks. Most evenings we are outside, just spending half an hour or so on clearing a little patch and then planting it up again, or sometimes just watering what we have already done up. I find it strangely addictive, and keep having to go outside to see what the plants are doing (annoyingly it's turned really cold in the last week or so and nothing's germinating!).

So, slowly I'm getting back to normal. I find that I can still get tired if I overdo it, and then when I do get tired, it's an all-consuming tiredness. I still sleep more than I normally would, but at least I feel more back to my old self again. I just didn't recognise myself 3 weeks ago and that was a frightening feeling. And at some point, I'm sure, I'll feel like a trip to Holland again. But at the moment, I'm just enjoying being home. And I think that's what I missed most, in all those months of uncertainty.

Ground to a complete halt

2010-04-28T14:13:00.002+01:00

There are ways that your body lets you know that there is only so much you can take and enough is enough. My body decided to do just that in the last 10 days or so. I wasn't just tired, I started getting lots of strange symptoms that caused a dash to A&E twice in the space of a week, but didn't lead to anything concrete being diagnosed. After the first visit, I already suspected that stress might have something to do with it, and the second time I was there, the very sympathetic doctor confirmed that. She was lovely, listening to my story from the last few months and telling me that my body was showing classic signs of stress.
I took Thursday and Friday of last week off work, thinking I'd be ready on Monday again. On Saturday, I had quite a good day. On Sunday, I couldn't stop crying, didn't feel like doing any of the things I normally enjoy at the weekend, and had a major panic at the thought of having to go to work. On the advice of my wise dad I went back to the GP on Monday and got myself signed off for a week. I felt so relieved.
That's now three days ago and I'm slowly beginning to feel more like myself again. I'm taking it very easy, still doing things around the house, getting I. and N. off to school and cooking meals, but I'm also sleeping lots and doing things I enjoy rather than things I have to do. I'm still tired and I've noticed if I do too much in one day when I feel good, I pay for it the next day. But the thought of having to go to work next week doesn't frighten me anymore, which is a good sign.

I've definitely learnt something from this. My life is so busy and I put so much pressure on myself to get certain things done - work, the kids, the house, going to see B., keeping fit - that at the end of the day, there is very little if no time at all left to do exactly what I WANT to do, rather than what I feel I SHOULD do. And I'm not going to do that anymore. I am very good at wanting to do things for other people, wanting to make them happy, but in the process, I end up at the very bottom of the list of priorities. I think it's time I changed that and start to learn that it doesn't matter sometimes if I don't go out for a run or a swim, but that I will feel better if I make time to sit down with a book or my knitting.
It doesn't matter how old you are, you never stop learning, do you.

Tired

2010-04-23T10:50:00.003+01:00

I have been meaning to post a little update for ages, but have been so terribly tired the last few weeks. Take today for example, I've been up since 7, it's now almost 11, apart from getting the kids to school and stripping all the beds, I've not done much, and I could sleep already.

Mum went back to the surgeon last Tuesday to get the results of the scan and biopsy on her thyroid. Once again, it was pretty good news: there is a growth in her thyroid but it's benign. She has an appointment with an 'internist' (specialist in internal organs, I don't think they exist in Britain) in May who's going to run some tests to see how her thyroid is functioning. If it's not functioning well, he may decide to operate to remove the growth, but as she has no symptoms relating to her thyroid, I expect that all they'll do is keep an eye on it. So, it looks like most of the hospital visits and the waiting are over and we're really out of the woods.

Last weekend I grabbed my chance and took I. over to Holland for 3 days. Back in November, I took N. on his own to see Sinterklaas, and I'd promised I. we'd go for a 'girly weekend' together. I'd postponed it several times, not wanting to take her with me to the hospital, as it's so big and you see so many seriously ill people - not a place for a young girl to be. She'd saved her pocket money and done lots of little jobs around the house for months and had managed to save over 50 pounds, which she was itching to spend! We had one quiet day with a bit of local shopping and a coffee at the Hema, then on Sunday, dad took us on the train to Amsterdam. He was born there himself and did his medical degree there, and now that he is retired, he regularly can be found there for concerts, walks and exhibitions, so he knows it pretty well. We started off in the Hortus and then did the predictable department stores which I. loved, and she managed to spend a fair chunk of her money. On Monday I'd booked a pedicure for her. The lady who did it, knew just how to treat her - she was made to feel really special. The smile on her face was priceless and for days afterwards she would show her feet to everybody who'd look. I think it was the highlight of her weekend...

And then we were back and I thought life would go on as normal. Only it won't. My body is protesting angrily at all that we've been through, and telling me I need to take it a bit easier. Lots of seemingly scary symptoms, but deep down I knew it was most likely stress related. I've got a few days off work and I'm just so, so tired. I know it will just take time and I need to be patient, but it has taken me by surprise a bit.

And now I'm off to the sofa for a nap...

Not entirely out of the woods yet...

2010-04-09T06:47:00.002+01:00

...but the first bit of news was very, very positive: no malignancies in mum's liver!
She hugged the consultant, I hugged the consultant, then I had a good cry, and then we had coffee and cake :-)

Today we're back at the hospital for an ultrasound of her thyroid, so fingers crossed for that one, but the main thing is that her liver is fine, it's probably just had a lot to cope with when she was first ill 2 1/2 years ago.

I'm knitting The Shetland Trader's Aestlight for Mother's Day for her. I'm knitting it with a much, much lighter heart :-)

Eleven

2010-04-05T19:25:00.004+01:00

To mijn grote meid

You were born 11 years ago today, on Easter Monday, 4 days early. I knew throughout my pregnancy that you were going to be a girl, even though we didn't get told at the scans, and that we'd get to use the name we'd chosen years before.
Before you were born, I always thought I'd really enjoy babyhood. I'd be one of those earth mothers, cooing over their baby in the pram, you'd be wearing only handsewn or handknitted clothes, you'd smile back at me and then go to sleep. I thought that when you turned one, motherhood would become a bit boring - well, all the major milestones were out the way weren't they, so what else could there be that could be as exciting as your first smile, you learning to crawl, taking your first steps? And then being a mother to two school age children, well surely that couldn't be any fun at all - what milestones were there to be passed?
Reality couldn't have been more different. I found babyhood hard work, the toddler years interesting but sometimes mind numbingly boring. But when you and your brother left those years behind, something changed and I gradually started to enjoy being a mother. Really, properly enjoy. When I first became a single mother, I'd need my weekends without you two to have some time out and recharge my batteries for the week ahead. But now I miss you and will relish the extra days I get with you.
You have changed so much over the last year. You're not a little girl anymore, but not yet a teenager either. You suddenly don't like the magazine anymore you've had a subscription on for the last 2 years, but most of the other magazines are still a bit old for you. You love looking at make-up but don't use it yet. You're becoming more independent, wanting to go off in town on your own, but needing reassurance that I won't stray far from you. You are becoming extremely good company. You tell me when I look nice or when something I've thrown on that morning doesn't look good. You are my most enthusiastic WeightWatchers supporter. You enjoy watching trashy television with me and we've become real EastEnders fans together in the last year. You're very helpful around the house and like nothing better than when I say 'you can tidy up my room for me if you like?' So much of what we have together, reminds me of what I had with my mum when I was growing up, and I'm enjoying it so much. And maybe there aren't huge milestones anymore as you get with a new baby, but I can't wait to see what you're going to be like in a year, 3 years or 8 years from now.

Happy 11th birthday mijn grote meid.
Mamma
xxx

Basically 8

2010-04-01T19:59:00.004+01:00

To my big boy, who will always be my kleine mannetje whatever age you are. For months you have been saying you're 'basically 8'. You like discovering big words and using them whenever you can. Actually and basically are two of those. But today you actually were 8.
You were fine on Monday when we cuddled up on your bed together and I told you I had to go to Holland again to be with oma and would be away on your birthday. I was expecting tears but didn't get any, just a 'that's fine'. But I knew something wasn't right on Tuesday when you weren't up and chatting by 7, and even more so when you were still lying in bed at 7.30 am, crying, complaining of tummy-ache. When I'd taken your big sister to the school bus, we cuddled up again and you told me the tummy-ache was because I wasn't going to be there on your birthday. So despite having to do lots of things that day, I decided you needed to stay at home with me and have some extra attention and above all, some extra cuddles. I think it helped, as you seemed much more cheerful at the end of the day and were happy to go and see pappa as usual on a Tuesday night.
I know right now it's hard for you with all that's going on, but I hope that one day you'll understand why I wanted to go to Holland. Just as you want to be with me sometimes, so do I want to be with my mamma (your oma) sometimes. I wish I didn't have to go to Holland, I wish we didn't live so far away from oma, I wish I hadn't had to make the choice I did today.
I thought about you lots today, I missed you, and I love you very much. Happy birthday big boy.
Mamma xxx

No Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-03-30T20:19:00.002+01:00

This week has gone a bit manic. WeightWatchers meeting, meeting up with a new friend from Ravelry, going to Cambridge to celebrate a colleague's birthday, going swimming with the kids, an orientation evening for I.'s ponytrekking week in Wales in May, o and a bit of work thrown in for good measure, and an almost 8 year old who let me know this morning that he needed a bit more in the way of TLC than they get in the course of a normal day (tears, tummy-ache). I decided that we'd give school a miss today and spend a bit of quality time together, and he seemed a lot happier by the end of the day.

Just two things I did want to say. First of all, I was very shocked and sad last Saturday when I found out that Elspeth Thompson died last week. I didn't know her personally but had been following her blog for a couple of years, specially because she and her husband had been doing up two disused railway carriages near the south coast. In one of her last posts, she wrote about her plans for the garden, which she'd started last summer, with no hint of the depression she was suffering. I'll miss her posts and her beautiful photographs.

And secondly, I just wanted to say thanks for all the lovely messages of support I've had in the last couple of months or so. They mean a lot to me. Let's hope that in two weeks' time, I can start to blog about more normal, everyday things.

Downhearted

2010-03-27T16:54:00.003Z

I'm feeling a bit downhearted at the moment. I had a tough weekend last weekend, but managed to pull myself together a bit on Monday (after bursting into tears at WeightWatchers!) and started to feel better. Looking after myself fairly well, making sure I eat well, get some exercise (have discovered yoga for relaxation, works a treat before bedtime), get enough sleep. I've started to take Kalms to keep the nerves at bay which is helping, but I didn't sleep that well last night and I think it's contributing to me feeling a bit low. The kids are with J. all weekend and I'm missing them, and knowing that next week is going to be an odd week with less time with them than normal makes me miss them even more.
It is also odd to plan things with them like their birthday party (N. will be 8 on Thursday and I. will be 11 the following Monday), when my mind is completely elsewhere - they don't know everything that's going on with mum and therefore their lives just go on as normal, apart from me going to Holland more often.
Work is a real distraction, specially going into the office. I've been there almost 15 years, the longest of all of us in the department, so I've seen a fair number of people come and go, but we have a really good team right now, and I very much look forward to going to work. I won't be going in for a couple of weeks now, apart from a birthday bash, as mum's scan and the results are on days that I'd normally go to the office.
The long waits between tests and scans and results aren't helping either. I get very frightened of what we might hear, but then slowly that fear fades away to make place for more normality, only for the fear to strike at unexpected moments where it will make me stop and take a sharp breath. When I feel optimistic, I can't help but think 'but it could be bad news', and when I feel frightened, I think 'you've got to remain positive'. Whatever you do, it never feels like the right thing. There probably isn't such a thing as the right thing to do or feel in these circumstances.
I spoke to mum's sister this week, who hadn't known until now that we'd been through several tests and wanted to know if she needed to be worried. She told me how much my support means to mum. Dad had offered to go to hospital with her this week for the MRI, but I really wanted to go myself anyway, and having heard how much mum appreciates it, makes me doubly determined to go. And it's not just that I'm doing it for her, I want to be with her for a bit too.

I know Holland is only a short plane flight away, just a short ferry crossing, but lately it has felt like I'm living on the other side of the world. And that feels very, very far away.

ETA: I went for a run after writing this post and that's made me feel a bit better. Now installed on the bed in pyjamas, with laptop, tea and some biscuits. Only the cat's missing ;-)

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-03-22T13:24:00.004Z

For Monday 22 March 2010

I almost didn't write this post. I'm not feeling very strong at the moment and thought I wouldn't be able to write about small, everyday things. But I'm trying very hard to think positive, to be strong, and realised that keeping up the routine of stopping and looking at ordinary things and writing the Daybook, would help in that. So here goes. It may not be the cheeriest post, but it is here.

Outside my window... is sunshine and wind. It feels a little warmer each day, yet it is very windy (perfect laundry drying weather!) which makes you realise that it is only just Spring. I took off a layer of my bed last night and slept with a window open, and woke up cold. Patience!

I am thinking... there are so many thoughts whirling round in my head right now. Mostly worry thoughts. At times I manage to push them out, like you are told to do with negative thoughts. Sometimes I don't. It helps being with other people and being distracted. The kids are great at keeping negative thoughts at bay. Even better is that they don't know they're doing it.

I am thankful for... the tissue that Helen, my WeightWatchers leader, offered me when I burst into tears this morning when she asked me if I'd had a 'naughty week'.

From the kitchen... came the smell of boterkoek this weekend. Not made it for years but it smelt good. Will be making it a couple of times again this week.

I am wearing... a mishmash of things as it is one of those days again where everything I really wanted to wear, was in the wash.

I am creating... another baby i-cord beanie. In shocking pink this time. B. did ask very diplomatically what on earth I was knitting (you can't tell at the moment that it is a hat). After that it is on to some baby bootees and then maybe the Aestlight Shawl as I've been wanting to knit that for ages.

I am going... to start following FlyLady again. The house is a chaotic mess and I'm fed up with it. FlyLady does a great job of kicking you up the backside, stopping you from wallowing in self pity and motivating you.

I am reading... nothing at the moment. I might treat myself to an issue of The Knitter tonight, if they have one when we go and do our supermarket shop.

I am hoping... only one thing: please let this MRI scan show that there is nothing to worry about.

I am hearing... The Archers on Radio 4. I haven't listened properly to it for ages. I was a big fan but can't be bothered at the moment.

Around the house... are lots of flowers. The kids bought me a bunch when I last came back from Holland and they're still going strong. Last week we bought some reduced price flowers from Mother's Day, and the ones that had fallen off, are in glasses on the table. And this morning N. picked a pale yellow primrose and put it in the kitchen for me as a surprise.

One of my favourite things... was discovering on Friday that some yarn I'd bought just because I liked the look of it, matched my coat perfectly.

A few plans for the rest of the week... a couple of days in the office, a coffee with a friend on Wednesday, parents' evening appointment for N.

Here is a picture for thought I'm sharing...

This is Felixstowe, taken last summer at the beginning of the school summer holidays. I wish I lived a bit closer to the beach. You can't beat a beach for blowing cobwebs away.

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here

Not what we wanted to hear

2010-03-19T18:36:00.002Z

Mum went to the appointment with her surgeon on her own yesterday. Both mum and dad managed to convince me that I wasn't really needed, that she could do this one on her own, that I needed to save my energy for when she really needed me. It was a quite early appointment too, where I'd run the risk of being late if there had been an accident on the way, and it was an appointment he had squeezed in as he was already fully booked for that day. I was getting quite tired with all the travelling and also wanted to be back here by the weekend as it's my Saturday with the kids - I would have been shattered come Saturday night. Dad reckoned she'd be out of the hospital in 5 mins with an appointment for 3 months' time. So, I stayed home, slept in my own bed, dreamed of the ferry, anxiously watched my clock and jumped to my feet as soon as she rang me.
But it wasn't really what we wanted to hear. The radiologists have decided that they want to do an MRI scan of her liver. The words chemotherapy/radiotherapy have already been mentioned. It is the oncology nurse who is taking care of the appointment for the scan. It might still turn out to be nothing, but it all seems to be getting more serious now.
I'm trying so very hard not to panic. The only way I can manage that is by keeping busy and by not thinking about it. If I do, I get so frightened.
The scan is going to be in 13 days, the day before Good Friday, N.'s birthday to make matters worse. For weeks, he's been saying he's 'basically 8' when you tell him he's seven. When you're 'basically 8', your birthday is a big thing. And now it looks like I might not be able to be there with him. I feel torn in two - I want to be there and make his birthday special, but mum needs me too. My only consolation is that I know J. will try and make his birthday extra special if I'm not there. Mum has gone on a list of cancellations, so if a scan becomes available before next week, they'll let her have it. The results are due a week later. At least I can come back to Britain and be there for I.'s birthday and organise her sleepover which she wants as a party.

I just want to go to bed, pull a duvet over myself and pretend all this isn't happening.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-03-15T12:28:00.003Z

For Monday 15 March 2010

Outside my window... are definite signs of Spring arriving. Crocuses, budding daffodils and if you look closely, little buds on trees.

I am thinking... how much I'm enjoying the kids growing up. They made Mother's Day really special yesterday and all of their own accord, not because they were told they had to.

I am thankful for... the fact that my not so old laptop was fixed easily. I really don't need the hassle of expensive repairs right now.

From the kitchen... I can smell the smell of soup. Leeks, cauliflower, celeriac. There will be quite a bit of celeriac featuring this week as I got given 12 of them yesterday...

I am wearing... too many layers. It's still quite cold outside, but the sun is shining and warming up my conservatory. And earrings that I. made me as a present.

I am creating... some potholders with hearts as a birthday gift.

I am going... to try and stop worrying and stop putting my life on hold. Started this morning with a swim, then weigh-in at WeightWatchers despite worrying about the damage of last week (turned out not too bad: 1/2 lbs gain. Having exercised last week must have helped), and planned the meals for this week.

I am reading... several Dutch magazines. Just light reading. Have just finished On the Beach by Nevil Shute and loved that.

I am hoping... so many things. A quiet week with no overnight ferry. An end to waiting. Some answers soon.

I am hearing... snatches of You and Yours on Radio 4.

Around the house... are lots of Easter decorations. Easter seems to be a bigger thing in Holland than in Britain, where it is more of a religious event. We have a bunch of branches with papermache eggs dotted around, some little fluffy chicks, some Easter napkins. I may just have to go back to the Hema next time I'm over.

One of my favourite things... is the laundry on the line flapping in the wind. The first lot of outside laundry this year. Appropriate considering the weather forecaster told us this morning that today might be the warmest day of the year to date.

A few plans for the rest of the week... finding some recipes to use up all those celeriacs. Knitting. Enjoying being with the kids. Exercise, healthy food and early nights - I have been thinking that treating myself was the way to be kind to myself. It doesn't work. I feel so much better if I look after my body.

Here's a picture for thought I'm sharing...A photo from the walk dad and I took through Amersfoort on Friday.

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here

One step forward, two steps back

2010-03-13T17:59:00.002Z

It seems that every test they run on mum, throws up something new...
She had an appointment with her surgeon on Thursday to talk about the results of her PET scan the week before. It was at a really awkward time so I had to spend 4 hours in the hospital before the appointment. Was getting increasingly nervous and irritable with other people - well, who thinks it perfectly normal to sit and sing songs in the waiting area for the IC ward?!
Anyway, the results were a bit of a mystery. The abnormality that they saw on the CT scan a while back, didn't show up on the PET scan, so that is not malignant. We don't know what it is, but we don't really care - it doesn't need sorting. But, oddly enough, they have found abnormalities near her liver, above her womb and in her thyroid. When he said liver, my heart was in my mouth. Pancreatic cancer + liver = not a good combination. But when I asked if we needed to worry, he said he couldn't tell if it was benign or malignant. The abnormality in her thyroid is not something to worry about, but they do want to see what the other two are. So, on Monday, the radiologists from the CT scan and the PET scan are getting together and will discuss the images, and decide on the next course of action. This could be all sorts of things - another scan (you'd think we've had them all by now) which this time will be an MRI scan, or a biopsy, or a wait and see approach (with another scan in a few months' time). We have another appointment next Thursday with the surgeon, unless they decide on an MRI scan, in which case that will be done first and then we'll have to go and see him for the results of that.
Annoyingly, mum's symptoms (abdominal pain, vomiting, nausea) still don't correspond with what they keep finding, and with her history they have to be certain that what they find, is not malignant. I just have this feeling they'll do an MRI scan, rule out these two abnormalities but find something else yet again. I'm glad that they take it so seriously and seemingly don't leave a stone unturned, but it is emotionally very draining.
I'm on my way home again now. It's Mothering Sunday tomorrow in the UK and I. had a few things planned and I really want to be with both kids. And at the moment I can't do anything in Holland anyway. If the appointment on Thursday goes through, I'll go over again, as I want to make sure she emphasizes her symptoms and possibly gets a referral back to the 'internist' (specialist in internal organs, who treated her originally).
Yes, it is tiring, but I seem to be running on adrenaline right now. I do collapse - usually the evening when I come back. The waiting areas in the hospital are full of mothers and daughters. Seems we women have a strong sense of duty. It's not just a sense of duty though - I want to be there with her and for her. I just wish the waiting, waiting, waiting was over.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-03-08T13:29:00.004Z

For 8 March 2010

I can't believe it's almost a week since I wrote my last Daybook entry. In an odd way, time is both going very slowly and very fast at the moment.

Outside my window... I can see a very dull, grey day, with bare branches, some dark green ivy leaves and no hint of Spring that we had during the weekend.

I am thinking... that I should go and have a lie down on the sofa to stop the terrible tiredness that hits me every evening around 6, when bedtime seems such a long time away still.

I am thankful for... the gloriously sunny weekend we had.

From the kitchen... must come supper tonight but I have no idea what to make. I have lots of vegetables in the fridge but every time I find a nice recipe, I am missing a vital ingredient. And I'm not very good at cooking without a recipe.

I am wearing... several layers. It's been cold here again, and despite the heating being on, the corner where the pc lives, is the coldest of the house. Combine it with sitting still all day and you get cold to the bone.

I am creating... a little baby hat. One I've made several times before but it is fun to knit and looks so cute on a slightly older baby.

I am going... to the library this afternoon. Long overdue. Our fantastic library has moved for a year or so while the building is being refurbished. We now have a much smaller selection, but oddly enough, the kids seem to prefer it at the new location.

I am reading... still The egg and I. I heard it serialised on Radio 4 a while back and much preferred the radio version. The book is entertaining but not so much that I can't put it down. Also the new WeightWatchers magazine. Always good for new recipes and some motivation.

I am hoping.... that the overnight ferry to Holland this week is going to be the last one I need to take for a little while.

I am hearing... snippets of the Afternoon Play on Radio 4. The radio is on pretty much all day and usually it's just background. Sometimes you catch a very good play and you have to stop whatever it is you're doing. I've been known to have to turn the radio off as I couldn't concentrate on work any longer.

Around the house... the dust bunnies have been replaced by all the Playmobil the children could find. Not sure why the Playmobil suddenly had to come out again, but they've been having lots of fun with it and I've let them get on with it, not insisting that they tidy it up again at the end of the day.

One of my favourite things... is chatting in real life about knitting with someone who enjoys knitting too. Their eyes don't glaze over.

A few plans for the rest of the week... I must ring the joiner for a quote for my bathroom window which was broken during the burglary. Trying to get a bit of exercise in before I go to Holland as I don't know how long I'll be away for and exercise often doesn't happen when I'm there. Making sure I get enough sleep.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

hopefully the end of winter

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-03-02T15:23:00.004Z

For 2 March 2010

Outside my window... I can see the sea. I am typing this from the ferry between Hoek van Holland and Harwich. Lots and lots of blue sea with a light blue sky over it.

I am thinking... I'm quite tired from yesterday.

I am thankful for... my dad helping out wherever he can at the moment. If it wasn't for him, I'd not be able to go and see mum so often.

From the kitchen... I have several sandwiches which both mum and dad have made for me for my return journey. Seems you can never stop the looking after which comes from being a parent.

I am wearing... a beautiful coat that mum bought me a few months ago in the sales. It's quite possibly the nicest coat I've ever had, it fits perfectly, is warm and it seems to suit me, so it makes me feel pretty. O and handmade socks and my Ishbel scarf.

I am creating... the last few inches of Ysolda's Peaks Island Hood which I've really enjoyed knitting. I knitted for several hours yesterday in the hospital. Nervous energy! Most people in the waiting room were awaiting a scan and therefore a bit nervous. Me knitting seemed to break the ice somewhat, as lots of people commented.

I am going... to start knitting a little baby hat as soon as the scarf is finished.

I am reading... The egg and I, by Betty MacDonald. And last night I read most of Little House on the Prairie. Which I've read countless times and it's still charming.

I am hoping... the next 8 days are over quickly.

I am hearing... the throbbing of the ship's engines (this makes it sound as if I'm on a cruise liner!)

Around the house... will be lots of things from Holland to sort out.

One of my favourite things... is the Hema. It is my all time favourite shop. Even this time I managed to squeeze in two visits. My favourite buy was a little Easter bunny wearing slippers with bunny ears...

A few plans for the rest of the week... nothing spectacular, a few days at work, lots of rest. Lots of waiting mostly!

Here's a picture for thought I'm sharing...

Will add this later as I haven't got access to my camera cable right now! (and the camera has a few lovely sea pictures on it).

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook can be found here.

Back on the ferry again

2010-02-28T12:01:00.002Z

Mum has her PET scan tomorrow. Although she was going to go on her own, I could tell she was getting nervous about it so I'm going over to be with her. Only for a couple of days - overnight ferry there, back on the day ferry a day later.
It all seems quite different from the CT scans she's had done in the past - for starters, she'll be radioactive afterwards and is not allowed to leave the hospital by the main entrance as she'll be causing interference with all the hospital machines! (causing almost 8 year old N. to comment that she's going to be like a robot...)
The results are due the following week on Thursday, so I'll be off to Holland for those as well. I haven't actually booked the trip yet, as so often in the past you'd make an appointment, only to be called back earlier than scheduled, and I don't want to waste a ferry trip.
The waiting and not knowing at the moment are the hardest part. It could well be that in 2 weeks' time, we know that the abnormality found on the CT scan is something totally innocent. It could also be that we know it is another tumor. We just don't know at the moment and that is what the PET scan is for.
I've been feeling very tired the last few days. Totally wiped out by about 6 in the evening. I'm sure it's just emotions. I'm having a quiet weekend this weekend. Enjoyed a day with the kids yesterday and today it's so wet that I haven't even bothered getting dressed yet. I'm hoping it will give me some much needed energy for the days ahead. Let's hope that that is all the energy I'm going to need.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-02-23T09:52:00.004Z

For 23 February 2010
I started writing this early this morning. Then mum rang with dates of her scan/results, and things feel a bit different now, so I have rewritten it.

Outside my window... I can see the remains of the snow that fell unexpectedly all day yesterday.

I am thinking... that I am still enjoying the wintery weather but wouldn't mind a bit of Spring sunshine either.

I am thankful for... finally having a bit more clarity about mum's scan and next appointments. The waiting has been the worst. Also thankful that I made the decision to go away last week. I feel much better equipped to cope with whatever is going to happen in the next few weeks.

From the kitchen... will be coming some healthier meals again, after enjoying some comfort foods last week.

I am wearing... several layers as it's so cold!

I am going... to have a quiet week at home.

I am creating... a hooded scarf for mum. The fingerless gloves were abandoned as they didn't fit well enough and it wasn't cold enough for him to need them. I frogged them and typically, it has since got so cold that he could really do with some gloves! I want to finish the hooded scarf soon as I'll be seeing mum fairly soon (actually next Monday!).

I am reading... the latest issue of Yarn Forward - have read it from cover to cover and back again this time.

I am hoping... that in three weeks' time, things are completely back to normal and all this can be put behind us.

I am hearing... Woman's Hour on Radio 4.

Around the house... are lots of mementoes from last week's break: fossils, shells, stones, glass, postcards.

One of my favourite things... flour from the water mill in Lyme Regis - makes lovely bread.

A few plans for the rest of the week... nothing much apart from our everyday routine. Which suits me fine.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing

Taking time to get things right. N. will be 8 in April but dad and I bought him a simple digital camera as an early birthday present, as he is forever using mine. He took about 130 photos and some of them have come out really nicely. Lovely to see how he has been enjoying it and how he sees the world.

Instructions for the Simple Woman's Daybook

Lyme Regis VII

2010-02-21T18:38:00.003Z

Last one!
There are more over on Flickr.

Lyme Regis VI

2010-02-18T17:37:00.002Z

Lyme Regis V

2010-02-17T21:44:00.002Z