Saturday 5 April

To mijn grote meid,

Today you are fifteen. FIFTEEN. Every time I see it written down, I have to blink. I have a FIFTEEN year old daughter. It seems so big, so grown up.

Fifteen years ago today you were born on Easter Monday, at home. A girl, just as I'd instinctively known all the way through my pregnancy but didn't want to find out during the scans.
Although I didn't realise it at the time, you were actually a very easy baby - you went through the night when you were two months old, you grew and developed as you were supposed to. It was me who found having a baby quite tough - it was so different from what I expected, I was tired, I had trouble breastfeeding but really wanted to (and succeeded in the end, but it took a lot of blood sweat and mostly tears), and what nobody ever tells you: babies don't really interact, specially in those first few weeks, and can actually be quite boring. Suddenly being stuck at home on my own after having worked fulltime for four years was quite a shock, let me tell you. And I always thought that once the baby stage was over, that was when it was going to get boring. Okay, toddlers were still quite cute, but school age children? Nah, not for me. It turned out all quite different, it wasn't till you started going to school that I really started to enjoy motherhood properhood. And it's just got better and better as you've got older.

You're in year 10 now, which is the year before you do your GCSE's. You're already doing GCSE subjects (History, Philosophy&Ethics, German and Fashion&Textiles) and show incredible motivation to do well. There is no 'have you done your homework yet?' with you at all and when you need help, you come and ask for it. I love seeing your strengths develop and how you're heading in much the same direction as I did. You pretty much know which A levels to take and you're already looking into universities.
In some ways you are the typical teenager - you'd sleep till midday if given the chance, your room is a complete tip 364 days a year, you never bring towels back to the bathroom after you've used them and when I run out of mugs in the kitchen, I can normally find them with a layer of mould in your room. O and your mobile is never far from your side. You've grown and grown and grown in the last couple of years and are now only just a smidgen away from my height, which feels very strange.
But you're not the monosyllabic, grunty teenager either. You're very good at keeping yourself entertained, you could from a very early age when I'd find you in the bookcase with all the books on the floor around you and you were pretending to 'read'. You're helpful at home (mostly!), you're great fun to watch telly with, you are the only person whose opinion on what I wear I trust completely, and I love our Saturday mornings when we have a couple of hours together and we go for a chai latte at Cafe Nero.

This year more than before I have increasingly felt that I can see the person you will be as an adult. And that person is someone I'm incredibly proud to have as my daughter.

Happy birthday grote meid,
Mamma xxxxxx

Tuesday 1 April

To my kleine mannetje

Today is your 12th birthday. Twelve years ago today you were born at home on Easter Monday on a lovely Spring day after a pretty straightforward pregnancy. You gave us a bit of a fright with your weight, that caused a few problems on you entering the world, but you cried pretty much as soon as you were born and you also lost that purple colour that I didn't notice when you were born (wondering why everyone kept telling me you were okay, when I could see you were fine).

Twelve years have flown by. You are now a tall, lean and above all very active 12 year old boy. In the past year you have discovered Minecraft and Skype and you can spend days on end building and chatting to your friends and then as a joke ringing me on Skype when we're in the same room. Minecraft really is just that little more interesting than doing homework and you stamp your foot a little when I tell you that today, no, we're not having any computers (or screens). But you are such good company and usually you end up telling me at the end of such a day, that actually it was really good fun. You like joining me in the kitchen and experimenting with all the gadgets - your latest one was spending half an hour mixing up lots of different spices in the pestle and mortar. You enjoy coming outside with me and helping me in the garden. I'm no gardener and the garden is very neglected, much to my sadness, but with your help the task doesn't seem quite so insurmountable. We love watching the Great British Sewing Bee together, I'm not sure what it is that you like about it as you're not a sewer or crafter (although you do love your Lego) but I look forward to watching it with you every week. And you're the best person to go to Holland with. You get just as excited about it as I do and you seem to like everything in Holland. You famously once told me that if you looked up 'nice' in the dictionary, it would say 'Holland', and the other day you asked why everything seemed nicer in Holland. I have no idea what you'll do in the future but it wouldn't surprise me in the least if you ended up spending a longer period of time in Holland.

There are so many things about you that I like - your early waking, same as me, your generosity and kindness, your sense of humor, your helpfulness, your curiosity and eagerness to learn. I'm so very proud to be your mamma and I'm looking forward to seeing you grow up and develop as you hit your teens next year. But for now you're still my kleine mannetje. Happy birthday xxx

ETA: posted late because I was felled by a yucky tummy bug...