Saturday 25 May

Blog Every Day in May - Favourite albums

I'm not sure I'm going to be able to list 5 favourite albums. I'm not a huge music listener. Don't get me wrong, I like music, but I'm an avid Radio 4 fan and most of the time there is something on that I enjoy listening to. Also, I can't work with music on, it distracts me and stops me from concentrating. As my job involves a lot of concentration, having music on doesn't help. I used to be the same when I was still at school, couldn't do homework with music on. My parents never had to say 'how can you work with that music on?' because most of the time I did my homework in silence!

I listened to music as a teenager - a snippet of Wham or Kate Bush or Terence Trent D'Arby and I'm back at secondary school. B. is ten years older than me and our teenage music is totally different.

I still listened to music when J. and I were married. He was/is a big Queen fan and I'm almost word perfect on most of their songs. They did make some fabulous albums and it's taken me years but I can appreciate now how talented a guitarist Bryan May is. I still remember hearing the news that Freddie Mercury had died - fairly unexpectedly, although when you look at photos just before his death, you see how thin he is and must be ill. I think their last album, Innuendo, was one of their best and very poignant when you listen to it knowing how ill Freddie is by then.

I found it hard to listen to music we'd shared after J. left. I even found it hard to watch television on my own, as it made me feel very lonely. That feeling lasted for years, and I think it was then that I got into radio. It was B. who got me into Radio 4 properly by constantly telling me about things he'd heard. I started listening to it on my drive to work and before long, we enjoyed talking about things we'd both heard. It's still something we enjoy, one of us will start 'there was this play on the radio the other with this woman who had a dog...' and the other will chip in with 'o I heard that, wasn't that really good?' 

The odd time that there is something on the radio that I don't enjoy (I really can't bear Count Arthur Strong, find the poetry programme hard going and reach for the off button at Gardeners Question Time) I might switch to a CD. No iPod or MP3 player for me, just give me a good old-fashioned CD to slot into the tray and just play. 

My current favourite CD is Let them Talk by Hugh Laurie. My dad is a big jazz fan and used to take me to concerts when I was growing up. It was mostly modern jazz which I didn't really get, but I love blues. This one never fails to cheer me up (yes I realise that's ironic...)

 

Another one in the car collection (because I only ever listen to music in the car) is a Regina Spektor album - I can't even remember what it's called and can't find a title online that makes me think 'that's the one!' She's very unusual, I think I heard her perform on Woman's Hour once and got her album after that. Would love to see her live.

When I'm feeling a little tired on a long drive, I dig out my guilty pleasure... wait for it... Tom Jones. Dare I admit that? I love singing along to his classics, and it wakes me up!

But probably my favourite album ever, one that I don't think I'll ever get bored of, is Blue by Joni Mitchell. I hadn't heard of her till I met B, but he bought me a few albums for our first Christmas together and I was blown away. I quite like my music fairly simple - a guitar and just singing suits me fine - and that's where she excelled. Her lyrics are like poetry, she puts in so much heartache, she sings beautifully (or rather, sang - I don't like her modern albums, her voice has changed through years of smoking) and she makes it sound so easy. A very talented lady.

So there you have it, quite a mix I think! Then again, if I lost my CD's in a fire or flood or other natural disaster, I'd be sad but as long as I could still listen to Radio 4, I'd be okay...

Friday 24 May

Blog Every Day in May - What's in your fridge?

Yes, shhhh, cheating again. Hormones were making me feel a bit down in the dumps yesterday so didn't feel like posting. So you get a double post today.

I can't imagine the inside of my fridge would be interesting to anyone but myself but here you go! Top shelf has yoghurts, you can only see my WW yoghurts but hiding behind them are the Activia yoghurts that 11you loves.
On the shelf below is cheese and some chicken for later this week. I don't normally have much meat at home, maybe sometimes some ham or pastrami for lunch. We are trying a new experiment though where the children will cook on Sunday nights, and 14y chose enchiladas for tomorrow. (I thought enchiladas had beans in them but apparently not.)
The single cream is for tonight's dessert - Rhubarb Bakewell tart. At the weekend, specially on Saturdays, I'll usually make quite an effort over our supper, and that includes not watching the diet!

On the shelf below are all the spreads, a spare bottle of milk, some spinach that didn't fit in the veg drawer, and behind that all the jars of condiments that live in your fridge for years.

The veg drawer has mostly cucumber, tomatoes, carrots, some salad and half a courgette in it (14yo bought a very large courgette of which I only needed half, and I haven't had a meal yet that I can use the other half in).

And this is the door. Garlic and butter and tomato paste on the top shelf, more condiments on the middle shelf, and the fruit juices (we each have our own flavour!) and the milk on the bottom shelf. I do love my milk bottles - about a year ago I looked into having milk delivered to support the local milkman. Yes it is a bit more expensive but we don't drink that much milk, specially because the children spend half their time with J. I can order online and change an order until 9pm if we have too much/too little milk. It gets delivered at 3am, even in the snow (have never missed a delivery yet!), and it's so lovely to get a bottle of milk from your doorstep.

Thursday 23 May

Blog Every Day in May - The best compliment

Repeating a compliment someone has paid to me doesn't come easily. I do it sometimes, but it always feels a little like showing off, boasting, not modest enough. And I've been thinking all day about what compliment made me most proud and couldn't think of one that really stood out. Of course there was the time 14yo wrapped the cowl I'd knitted for her, around her neck and said it was exactly as she had imagined. The time B. said a cake I'd made was a prize-winner. A compliment I got paid about my teaching style earlier this week that is still making me glow with pride, because I enjoy teaching so much.

But just now, as I opened up the computer to write this post, it suddenly came to me which compliment made me incredibly proud. It was a few years ago and it was when I took part in the ladies tractor road run for the first time with the tractor B. had bought on eBay in America.

I had practised with it for hours. The other tractor we own is much more like a car to drive, but this one has a hand clutch and I found it so hard to get my head around it. I understood what to do, but it didn't come naturally. We'd been out together, I'd been out on my own on a few short runs. But I was nervous of driving it 20 miles on my own.

 

The whole route is marshalled though, and when I was turning left at a junction, one of the marshalls put up his thumb to me. After the run he came up to me and said 'well done you, you must have driven it before?' so I told him no, it really was my first proper run and he said I had driven it very well. He knew what sort of tractor it was and he knew what it was like to drive it. 

The whole day is an emotional rollercoaster - really good fun but very poignant too. But that compliment was the highlight of my day, and two years down the line, I'm still proud of it.

Wednesday 22 May

Blog Every Day in May - Letter to 13 year old you

Yes, yes, I started this post yesterday and promptly forgot to finish it. Also because I'm trying to set the right example to the children and not spend too much time on the internet after they come home. A day late it is then!

When I was 13, I had just started at a large grammar school in a large town, coming from a very small and safe village school. Although I loved my education, which suited me down to the ground, on a personal level I had a difficult 6 years. I really didn't fit in with the people at the school, they didn't like me - well, the least said about that time, the better really. But I never said anything to anyone about it, thought it was something that was just part of life, that I had to grin and bear. Looking back at it now, I should have told my parents (who didn't find out until I was well into my twenties) or a teacher, and really, I should have gone to another school.

So, what I would say to my 13 year old self is, don't be afraid to speak up.

My overriding priority for my children has always been that they're happy at school. I think, I hope, they are.

Tuesday 21 May

Blog Every Day in May - Dream job

I have thought about this all day and you know what? I honestly don't know what my dream job would be. It would involve knitting, crochet and sewing, but I have tried to craft for money in the past and really, really don't enjoy that. That put an end to my dream job of making a living out of my craft! I teach the occasional crochet class and very much enjoy that, but if I could do it for a living...? I'm not sure. 

A few years ago, when my mum was so very ill, I toyed very seriously with a career change and retraining as a nurse. I just found it too hard, too scary to take the actual step of entering into training - it would mean a very serious income cut and I'm not sure I could afford that. But it's something I would have liked to have done. I know exactly what sort of nurse as well - on a post-operative ward or maybe the geriatrics ward. I think I would have been good at it. 

As it is, I'm pretty happy with the job I have. I enjoy the mental stimulation and I enjoy working with my colleagues. Can't ask for much else really can I?

Monday 20 May

Blog Every Day in May - News flash

Being an avid BBC Radio 4 listener, I'm usually fairly up to date with the news. I do most of my commuting during news programmes and during the day I like to have the BBC news website open - not just for the news, but also for interesting little bits of information.

Besides the British news I try to keep up to date with Dutch news as well and regularly read the website www.nu.nl. My 'newsflash' for today is from there and actually concerns a very tragic, sad story. A couple of weeks ago a man was found dead in a wood near to where my dad lives. He'd committed suicide. Almost immediately a large search was underway for his two young sons aged 9 and 7, who he had picked up from their mother that morning but hadn't been seen since. Of course you immediately think the worst, but you still hope for a miracle. When I checked nu.nl last night after not having been on the computer all weekend nor having heard the radio, I read that that afternoon two bodies had been found close to where the father himself had been found. Although the bodies haven't been formally identified yet, the authorities are fairly certain it is the two boys as some items that they'd been searching for, were found near the bodies. 

It is such a heart-breaking story. Of course it is easy to feel anger towards the father for causing such unimaginable pain, grief and suffering, but in some way I feel dreadfully sorry for him as well - something must have gone very wrong in his life for him to contemplate such an action, let alone carry it out. It is a news story that is hard to forget.

Sunday 19 May

Blog Every Day in May - Best friends

Another fail on the blog ever day challenge! But, it was the weekend and apart from briefly checking my messages on Saturday morning I didn't go on my computer at all. I have to be VERY bored to check my messages on my phone, so that doesn't happen very often, and sometimes I love a few days without internet. 

But, I'd looked forward to writing about best friends, which is in fact yesterday's subject, so I'm using a bit of artistic licence and will skip today's subject in favour of yesterday's!

I met my very first best friend when I was 4 or 5. We were at nursery school together and we wanted to play together at each other's house. Her dad dropped her off at my house and said 'o, that will be just the once and then they'll be bored with each other'. Famous last words - we were as thick as thieves all through primary school. She shortened my name to Ciep which was then taken over by my family, and as her second name is Susanna, hers was shortened to Suus and we became Ciep and Suus. 

We went to different secondary schools so inevitably we spent less time together, but still saw quite a bit of each other. My first holiday without parents was camping with her in the north of Holland, visiting one of her penpals and almost getting thrown off the campsite for laughing so much (basically being a nuisance....! :-) My first holiday abroad without my parents was Paris with her and then visiting one of my penpals south of Paris. 

We both spent time abroad after finishing secondary education and then around the time of my marriage, we sort of lost touch. I vaguely knew what she was up to as her partner was best friends with the husband of one of my friends, but we weren't really in touch. Until one day she sent me the birth announcement of her son. I was so surprised because she'd always claimed she wasn't maternal and wasn't interested in having children. I rang her to congratulate her and it was just as old times. Since then we've stayed in touch. In the days before email, we used to write long letters to each other, and she started that tradition up again. I'm very good at keeping in touch through email, but there is nothing better than receiving a hand-written letter in the post, and when I see her handwriting on an envelope on the doormat, I get all excited. We may not be in touch all that often, but I've known her for such a long time and I know that if ever I need her, she's there for me - in fact, she was there for me about a year ago, with many wise words, for which I was very grateful.

My second best friend is someone who I met at university. One day I went to a lecture and found out as soon as it started I was in the wrong place - I think it was a geography lecture. Because of where I was sitting, I couldn't escape unnoticed until the break, by which time it was too late to go to the lecture I was supposed to attend, so I ended up going back home. She was on that same train, I can't remember what got us chatting but we did. I found out she lived in the next town along and would travel on the same train to lectures. It wasn't long before we were very firm friends and although we were doing different degrees, we ended up doing many of the same modules. After we graduated, she went on to do a post-grad in teaching and I moved to Britain, which could have been the end of the friendship. But it wasn't. We stayed in touch, she was my witness at my wedding, she came over from time to time and I used to go and stay with her occasionally. I have vivid memories of the two of us both with small children going to a playground and thinking 'who'd have thought when we were students that 5 years later this would be us'. She then moved to Sweden with her husband and two daughters but again we stayed in touch, and then they moved to Thailand. And then she went a little quiet. We were in touch but it wasn't like the old days. Until a few years later she emailed me to say her husband had had a job offer back in Holland and she didn't dare tell many people in case it was 'tempting fate', but she was quite excited about it. I emailed back saying, I have a feeling you're not all that happy in Thailand. Fifteen minutes later I received the longest email I'd had from her since they moved to Thailand, with everything that was wrong. I almost cried when I read it - I just wished I'd been nearer to her to be of more support. Her husband did get the job and they moved back to Holland about two years ago, and now we chat almost on a daily basis - through email and WhatsApp, and last summer we even got to meet up again for a meal. And when we do meet or speak, we just pick up as though there haven't been several months or sometimes even years since we last saw each other. When she rang me for my 40th birthday, I answered the phone, she said Hello? and I knew straightaway it was her, despite not physically having spoken to her for several years. I think that's amazing.

Friendships. Over the years I have learnt that sometimes you have friends who fit that particular situation. I had two or three very good friends when I was an aupair and I couldn't imagine losing touch. But we did when we all went back home again. I had friends at university who I enjoyed spending time with, but lost touch with as soon as we graduated. I used to think that was sad, but now I think that's just the way life is. Some people will stay with you throughout your life, others don't. And you know what? I'm actually grateful for each and every one of them.