To my big boy, who will always be my kleine mannetje whatever age you are. For months you have been saying you're 'basically 8'. You like discovering big words and using them whenever you can. Actually and basically are two of those. But today you actually were 8.
You were fine on Monday when we cuddled up on your bed together and I told you I had to go to Holland again to be with oma and would be away on your birthday. I was expecting tears but didn't get any, just a 'that's fine'. But I knew something wasn't right on Tuesday when you weren't up and chatting by 7, and even more so when you were still lying in bed at 7.30 am, crying, complaining of tummy-ache. When I'd taken your big sister to the school bus, we cuddled up again and you told me the tummy-ache was because I wasn't going to be there on your birthday. So despite having to do lots of things that day, I decided you needed to stay at home with me and have some extra attention and above all, some extra cuddles. I think it helped, as you seemed much more cheerful at the end of the day and were happy to go and see pappa as usual on a Tuesday night.
I know right now it's hard for you with all that's going on, but I hope that one day you'll understand why I wanted to go to Holland. Just as you want to be with me sometimes, so do I want to be with my mamma (your oma) sometimes. I wish I didn't have to go to Holland, I wish we didn't live so far away from oma, I wish I hadn't had to make the choice I did today.
I thought about you lots today, I missed you, and I love you very much. Happy birthday big boy.