Saturday, March 13, 2010

One step forward, two steps back

It seems that every test they run on mum, throws up something new...
She had an appointment with her surgeon on Thursday to talk about the results of her PET scan the week before. It was at a really awkward time so I had to spend 4 hours in the hospital before the appointment. Was getting increasingly nervous and irritable with other people - well, who thinks it perfectly normal to sit and sing songs in the waiting area for the IC ward?!
Anyway, the results were a bit of a mystery. The abnormality that they saw on the CT scan a while back, didn't show up on the PET scan, so that is not malignant. We don't know what it is, but we don't really care - it doesn't need sorting. But, oddly enough, they have found abnormalities near her liver, above her womb and in her thyroid. When he said liver, my heart was in my mouth. Pancreatic cancer + liver = not a good combination. But when I asked if we needed to worry, he said he couldn't tell if it was benign or malignant. The abnormality in her thyroid is not something to worry about, but they do want to see what the other two are. So, on Monday, the radiologists from the CT scan and the PET scan are getting together and will discuss the images, and decide on the next course of action. This could be all sorts of things - another scan (you'd think we've had them all by now) which this time will be an MRI scan, or a biopsy, or a wait and see approach (with another scan in a few months' time). We have another appointment next Thursday with the surgeon, unless they decide on an MRI scan, in which case that will be done first and then we'll have to go and see him for the results of that.
Annoyingly, mum's symptoms (abdominal pain, vomiting, nausea) still don't correspond with what they keep finding, and with her history they have to be certain that what they find, is not malignant. I just have this feeling they'll do an MRI scan, rule out these two abnormalities but find something else yet again. I'm glad that they take it so seriously and seemingly don't leave a stone unturned, but it is emotionally very draining.
I'm on my way home again now. It's Mothering Sunday tomorrow in the UK and I. had a few things planned and I really want to be with both kids. And at the moment I can't do anything in Holland anyway. If the appointment on Thursday goes through, I'll go over again, as I want to make sure she emphasizes her symptoms and possibly gets a referral back to the 'internist' (specialist in internal organs, who treated her originally).
Yes, it is tiring, but I seem to be running on adrenaline right now. I do collapse - usually the evening when I come back. The waiting areas in the hospital are full of mothers and daughters. Seems we women have a strong sense of duty. It's not just a sense of duty though - I want to be there with her and for her. I just wish the waiting, waiting, waiting was over.