which was just what I needed...
After the emotional upheaval of last week I was feeling shattered. I came back Thursday morning, went straight back to work that day, and into the office on Friday. By Friday night I was so tired and it suddenly hit me that things could be seriously wrong. Up till now I think I'd been convinced it'd be something simple that would be sorted with a quick operation. I knew it could be something else, but I don't think I really believed that it was.
We went to Bonfire Night on Friday night but it was the last thing I felt like doing and I ended up being terribly grumpy with B. who wasn't quite sure how to deal with it. I was so tired that I fell asleep before he did, which is very unusual, I normally lie there listening to his breathing and then fall asleep myself.
On Saturday I had the kids and they're a great distraction. We went to the park, had an icecream, laughed at the squirrels, went to the market and stocked up on lots of fruit, and then had a treat at Starbucks. I stuffed the healthy eating/diet for one visit and had the Gingerbread Latte which was lovely, with a slice of Rocky Road. Was beginning to feel vaguely human again after that. I even felt like cooking again, so I got a load of fish on the market and made my 'signature fish pie' - it's so rich, it's got heart attack written all over it but boy is it nice (two types of haddock in fullfat milk with cream, plus cheesy mashed potatoes on top - it's an Ainsley Harriott recipe). Had a soak in the double ender bath at B's, then we had the pie and half a bottle of wine and another early night and a lie-in in the morning. B. had to go to work this weekend, he's been so busy these last few weeks that he can't fit it all in during the week so ends up catching up during the weekend. He asked if I fancied coming along for the drive, it was just east of Norwich, nice drive up there, lovely house, nice people, sweet dogs. I sat and read, chatted, knitted, cuddled the dogs and just relaxed. And when we came back at 3.3o pm, I suddenly realised I hadn't worried about mum for a few hours. And now I feel so much better and ready to face the new week. At some point I'll get the phonecall to say she's got her next appointment and when I left Holland last week, I felt sort of in limbo because of the waiting. Now I seem to have found my patience again and am ready to just take it as it comes. Funny how sometimes just ordinary things are just all you need to get you back where you want to be.